Not Alone
by ItookAlistairsCherry
Summary: Jane Shepard can't handle loneliness, she never could. After the Collectors she loses everything, her credibility, her career, even Kaiden. She's fallen so far she's forgotten who she was, at least until Garrus found her.
1. Frozen

Not Alone

Chapter I "Frozen"

Disclaimer: Mass Effect 2 belongs to BioWare.

I can't feel my senses

I just feel the cold

All colors seem to fade away

I can't reach my soul

I would stop running, if I knew there was a chance

It tears me apart to sacrifice it all but I'm forced to let go

–Within Temptation "Frozen"

101010101

Jane Shepard was restless.

There were two hours until the Normandy arrived at the Collector's ship. Her heart threatened to burst open her chest and her hands were sweating, despite the cold temperature of her room.

She cursed herself for feeling so nervous. This wasn't exactly new to her. Well over two years ago, though it felt like last month for her, she was in a _very _similar situation. Her eyes darted to her desk where she kept her photo of Kaiden and her gaze lingered on his smiling face. At least then she had him. He was there to calm her nerves, comfort her, inspire her, _love_ her.

Shepard missed him, she really did. She missed his presence between recruiting her team, his thoughts and beliefs on how she handled each mission. She missed his smile, his lips, his strong arms that made her feel more safe than any modified N7 armor. Staring into his eyes and hearing his voice made her forget everything she suffered, her lost family and friends on Mindoir, her lost unit on Akuze, the hundreds of civilians and soldiers that died during the Citadel's attack.

Her fingers gently rubbed Kaiden's photo and a small, weak smile grew on her face as she stared at him. Closing her eyes, she brought the photo to her face level and kissed it. Maybe she could contact him before the Normandy arrived to its destination. She worked hard to make sure her crew made amends and peace with their inner demons, the least she could do is tell Kaiden she loved him.

10101

"Shepard?"

The human Spectre stood before Councilor Anderson, or ast least a holographic imaging of her did.

"Is something wrong? What can I do for you?" Anderson felt himself grow worried. His gut told him something was wrong especially judging by how his prized Commander appeared.

Shepard shook her head. "I'm on my way to confront the Collector's. This is...it. The one mission Cerberus asked me to do." Inhaling deeply, Shepard placed her hands behind her back, she didn't want her former Captain to see her fingers fidget. "I need to ask you for a favor."

Anderson frowned. He wanted to help Shepard, but with her working for Cerberus and in the Terminus Systems he was very restricted to helping her any way he could. Regardless, he nodded.

"I need to speak with Staff Commander Alenko."

10101

A persistent noise gnawed at the back of Kaiden's skull. His body demanded more sleep so he ignored the annoying sound. Not two seconds later the noise threatened to make his L2 implant pulse and he could feel the beginning of a migraine. Cursing, he untangled his legs from the sheets, being very careful not to awaken the second person in his bed.

Standing helped him awaken, he searched his room for the cause of the persistent beeping. He slowly realized his room wasn't the source of the noise, it was coming from the next room.

Kaiden cursed again, the beeping was an incoming vid-call. Chances were the Alliance was calling to interrupt his vacation. He quickly grabbed the clothes he had thrown on the floor the night before and dressed, not noticing his shirt was inside out.

The thought of being called in for an assignment when he was supposed to be on vacation put him in a irritated mood, and the pain in his head was worsening into a full migraine which prompted him to fall into an even fouler mood.

"Staff Commander Alenko," he spat as soon as he answered the call.

His eyes widened and his body froze. The Alliance didn't call him, it was Jane Shepard.

_This is bad_, Kaiden thought. He wasn't prepared to talk to her yet, he needed more time to figure out everything. "Shepard," he winced, his voice came out weak and shaky, "this isn't a good time."

There was a brief second an unrecognizable expression swept across Shepard's face, one Kaiden couldn't recognize. Guilt immediately racked his fully awakened brain. For a moment he wished he was there with his commander to make her forget whatever she was thinking. He mentally shook his head. He couldn't think that now, not after everything he went through during her absence. He moved on, he couldn't reopen a freshly healed wound.

Shepard sighed, and for another moment she no longer looked the unbeatable soldier that can kill a dozen Geth Colossus' singlehandedly, but a tired and vulnerable woman. "I'm sorry to bother you, Kaiden. But I need...I just have one thing to say."

Kaiden grew weary of her tone. The way she looked and spoke was as if she were on her deathbed.

She paused to take a deep breath. "You know I'm going after the Collector ship that destroyed the Normandy. The same ship that killed half of the crew. They made it even more personal when they boarded the second Normandy and kidnaped my new crew."

Vivid memories and images played through Kaiden's head. He still had nightmares of the Normandy's destruction, still woke with his heart pounding and tears staining his cheeks when he saw the ship fall apart, when he found Joker's escape pod but Shepard absent from it.

But, why was she telling him this? This information was something she should be telling the Council, not him. "Why are you telling me this?"

Shepard shut her eyes and held up her hand, signaling him to wait. "You remember what kind of power that ship commanded. Even with the second Normandy's upgrades there's no telling...I helped every one of my team get a sense of peace with themselves." She opened her eyes and paced, her arms behind her back. "I need everyone to have a clear head for this mission. We're alone. If we fail we won't have a fleet to arrive and finish what we started. If _I _fail then we'll–"

Kaiden frowned when Shepard paused, the expression on her face was unreadable. Then he felt something warm on his arm. He cursed mentally, he was hoping his call wouldn't awaken Sarah. Worse, she sported only a long shirt, her long legs exposed and her hair still disheveled.

Sarah appeared to still be half asleep and she didn't seem to realize Kaiden was on call. When her large blue eyes finally faced the screen and saw a woman clad in N7 armor she jumped out of the cameras line of sight with an audible squeak.

Kaiden hung his head for a long time, he couldn't bring himself to look at Shepard's face now. He wondered, would she be angry? Sad? He was afraid to look at her.

"I told you this was a bad time," was all he could say, his eyes still staring at the floor.

Shepard cleared her throat. "What I'm trying to say, Alenko, is that...I need to get this off my chest so I can go into this mission with a clear head."

Hearing her call him by his surname hurt more than he thought it would. Her tone sounded indifferent, neither sad nor angry. He forced himself to look at her.

Shepard smiled weakly, but she didn't look at Kaiden's face. "When I awoke from my two year 'sleep' I didn't have a moment to yawn, I was confused. I expected to wake up in some med bay with Dr. Chakwas nearby, and you fighting through security to stay during non visiting hours."

Kaiden nodded and smiled. That would be something he'd do if they were in that situation. His smile faltered, truth was they weren't in that situation. He went through a year blaming, hating himself for not taking Shepard with him on that escape pod. He hated the Council for not giving more aid, if they had more ships the Collectors never would have singled them out in that attack. He hated the Alliance for just declaring Shepard dead and not making any effort to at least recover her body. She was a damn hero that saved the Alliance and the Council with a small crew, something no one was able to do even with a whole fleet behind them. The least she deserved was a proper burial and they refused her that.

_If Cerberus was able to bring Shepard back, why couldn't the Council do the same?_

Kaiden refused to dwell on such a thought. He focused on Shepard's face instead.

"Instead," Shepard continued, "I find myself in a lab I didn't recognize. Once I sat up I'm told to grab a gun and fight my way out. Everything felt as if I had just slept a few hours. I thought perhaps I was in the Citadel, but I met someone, he told me in so many words that I was dead and Cerberus revived me."

Shepard paced again, her head tilted to the right as she recalled everything. "When everything calmed down, I was told two years had passed. I just wanted to see you, talk to you, know that you were okay when the Normandy went down. I couldn't sleep, couldn't think. All I could do was listen to Cerberus' head honcho, the Illusive Man. Do you remember what Wrex said when we first recruited him, Alenko?"

Kaiden frowned, it took a moment but he eventually remembered. He nodded before replying, "something about seeking your enemies enemy."

Shepard nodded. "Seek the enemy of your enemy and you will find a friend. I will _never_ forget what Cerberus did. The Thorian, the rachni. I was there on Akuze, we were all nothing but test subjects. I'll never forgive Cerberus for everything they've done. A member of my crew was tortured physically and mentally as a child and guess who was behind it?"

"Cerberus," Kaiden whispered.

Shepard shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm dwelling. Bottom line is, Cerberus did what the Council didn't. They _believe_ that the Reapers exist. They gave me a new crew, a new Normandy. Who was I to refuse? Cerberus is still an enemy, but for now I need them as an ally until the Reapers are dead. Do you understand my situation? Hell, Tali and I allied ourselves with the Geth!"

Kaiden didn't know what to say. Shepard made sense. The Council was too lost in its own power it refused to acknowledge something stronger than them. He slowly nodded.

"The first thing I asked Captain, " she paused to clear her throat, "Councilor Anderson was you. All I was told was that you were on an assignment, everything classified."

Kaiden felt the familiar pang of guilt creeping up his spine. The anger he felt at Shepard for never contacting him was suddenly becoming very distant and cold. He never knew what really happened when she awoke, but he never gave her the chance to explain.

Shepard sighed, looking very tired again. Her eyes glistened for a quick moment before she shut them tightly. "I...just wanted you to know what happened. You were on my mind all the time. Even though Tali, Garrus and Joker are here...it isn't the same without you and everyone else. I...know you moved on. I just had to tell you...everything that happened. Just know that I never stopped thinking about you, I still don't."

"Don't." Kaiden's eyes widened when he realized he voiced his thought. Guilt stabbed at his chest harder when he saw the hurt in Shepard's eyes. He took a sharp breath. This was for the best. "I'm sorry, Shepard. You're right, I have moved on."

Shepard laughed, a bitter, shaky laugh. "When I died, so did we, eh?"

Kaiden winced at the tone of her voice. She was hurting. His body started to shake. He wanted nothing more but to comfort her. But he knew he couldn't. Shepard's job was dangerous. She could very well die, again, on her mission. If she did, Kaiden wouldn't be able to take it. He just couldn't.

_I can't lose you again, Shepard. I'm not strong enough._

Time healed all wounds. It took him well over a year to heal and Shepard was nothing more but a phantom pain. Within time she would heal as well. He had to let her go.

Shepard seemed to have understood what his silence meant. Her face hardened, but her eyes developed a glossy appearance. "I...look after yourself, Alenko.

"You too," Kaiden's words were in vain. Shepard had cut the connection before he could speak.

"Whoa," he heard Sarah say. She stood at the doorway, only the side of her face visible from behind the wall. "Who was that, hon?"

Kaiden let out a long sigh. _I had to let her go_. "Just my old commander."

10101

Shepard didn't know how long she stood there staring at the table in the comm room. EDI popped beside her after some time, asking if she needed anything. What could the AI offer her? Unless the computer could reverse two years then there wasn't anything it could do.

"Commander Shepard?"

Jacob was next to step into the room. Upon seeing the first human Spectre he brought his hand up in a salute. "I was not expecting you in here so soon."

When Shepard remained quiet, her face not even registering she wasn't alone in the room, Jacob frowned in worry. "Shepard?"

She inhaled deeply, focused on everything she couldn't stop thinking about, and when she exhaled she shoved all her thoughts with it. She put her mask on and did the only thing she could to prevent her from falling apart in front of Jacob, focus on the mission. She'd be damned if she lost anyone.

"EDI, tell everyone to meet Jacob and me in the comm room."

10101

"After _everything_ I've done, you still won't do anything!"

All four members of the Council were taken back by Commander Shepard's sudden outburst. Councilor Anderson rose both his hands and moved them downwards, signaling for Shepard to calm down.

"You aren't making this easy for us, Commander," the Salarian councilor announced.

The Turian councilor scoffed. "You come to us claiming to have destroyed a _human_ Reaper, but that evidence is lost to us. Besides being destroyed, it's in a system we cannot reach. How can we verify this so called Reaper?"

Shepard bit her lip and the vein in her forehead visibly throbbing. She looked at and pointed to the Asari councilor. "Then meld with my mind! See everything, the visions from the Prothean beacons, my encounter with Soverign and Saren, the Collectors and the Repear they created!"

The Asari's face frowned when she felt her fellow councilors turn to face her. "_If _I were to meld with your mind, Commander Shepard, and we can verify everything you've said about the Reapers is true, we'd be causing more harm by acting out."

The Turian Councilor nodded. "You've said yourself that these 'Reapers' are trapped in space. If they're so powerful they would have already found a way to escape. But they haven't. What can we accomplish by stationing fleets around, it'd do nothing more but spark a war."

Shepard's throbbing vein threatened to tear her flesh and her teeth broke the skin. She licked the copper tasting fluid away. What did she expect from the Council? They reminded her of the ostridges on Earth that she's read about, a large, powerful bird that would rather avoid battle and thinks digging its head into the earth would make its predator go away. Out of sigh, out of mind. Unless the Reapers appeared on their back yard like the Geth did, they'd do nothing until then.

The defeated Spectre sighed and rubbed her temples. She was alone. Even more, she was tired. Tired of the stalemate with the Council. "Fine, do nothing. When the Reapers appear around your ears, and you're running for your life, you'll regret not believing or helping me!"

"We're not done, Commander," the Turian growled, his mandibles twitching. "There's the issue of you working with Cerberus.

Councilor Anderson stood straighter. "Hold on, Shepard isn't with them anymore. She used them to fight the Collectors and they used her to get a Human Reaper. If anything she was working as a spy for us."

"Commander Shepard was _dead_, and brought back to life by Cerberus," the Salarian Councilor joined in the fray. "We do not know what they implanted in her. For all we know she's _their_ spy."

She was alone. She lost Kaiden. She quit Cerberus. She lost Kaiden. Without her to lead, she lost her crew, everyone went back to their life. She lost Kaiden.

The Council didn't trust her. If they did they'd only throw her back into unknown space, alone. Shepard's hands tightened into fists. She was tired of everything. Why help when help isn't wanted?

"You don't trust me, after everything I've done," Shepard sighed. She was even tired of yelling. "Then I quit."

She walked away and never turned back, even when Councilor Anderson called after her.

10101

Shepard downed her fifth liquor shot and fought against the dizziness that threatened to knock her on her ass. She hated her new life. She fled Council space, she couldn't deal with the people that recognized her. They loved her, basked her in praises and requests for photos, autographs, advertisements, everything and anything. They treated her like a hero, but she didn't deserve that title.

She scoffed before swallowing another shot. Despite the rumors of her working with Cerberus, it still did not scare people away. She was tired of it all, so she left where little people would know her, let alone recognize her: the Terminus Systems.

There was plenty of work for someone with skills that she possessed. There was nothing else she could do anyway. All her life she's done nothing but kill. But she didn't know if it was because of her age, or that every job she took it reminded her too much of her past, but even she was beginning to tire of fighting. Remembering her past only brought pain. It brought the realization that she was alone. And would always be alone.

The corner of her eye noticed movement at the table she and her friends always occupied. They were late, but they arrived at least. She cautiously stood up and crossed across the dance floor, trying her best not to smell the stench of human and alien body sweat lest she wanted to keep all the drinks she consumed inside her stomach.

She threw herself on a chair, the shotgun on her back smacking onto the metal and creating a loud thud. The alcohol wasn't working anymore. For a while she was able to forget all her memories and the feeling of loneliness if she drank enough.

Now the booze only intensified the memories she wanted to forget, her failure to save her parents, her failure to save her friends on Mindoir. Her failure to save her unit on Akuze. Her failure to save Ashley Williams. Her failure to stop the attack on the Citadel. Her failure to protect the first Normandy and its crew. But most of all, her eyes glistened with tears, her failure to protect her child. Kaiden's child. Their child. She lost him when she died, when the child within her died before it could even develop.

"Ah, crap. Quick! Give Jane some Hallex before she starts up again," one of Shepard's companions announced.

Shepard didn't refuse the drug. With the lack of effect of the alcohol she could always depend on Hallex to make her forget everything, her failures, even Kaiden.

10101

Garrus originally thought working for a Spectre was the greatest way to do what he wanted. He was wrong. _Being_ a Spectre was the greatest way to do what he wanted.

_Who knew becoming the Archangel would eventually impress the Council._

The nightclub was packed beyond the capacity limit, the blaring music threatened to knock what was left of his jaw off, and the most persistent stripper kept groping him as he tried to get to Aria's lounge.

"Hey, soldier," the stripper shouted over the screeching music. Garrus noted her horrid appearance. The woman was skinny, her ribs and shoulders protruding, her long hair a tangled mess, and scars covered her body. "Want a _private_ dance?"

Garrus nearly snickered. Was this appearance what criminals found attractive now? He elbowed past the human woman, but she grabbed his arm and flung herself in front of him.

"Now, now. Every soldier needs to let off some stress. Come on big guy, just because I'm human doesn't mean I don't know how to satisfy a Turian," she winked, her hands sliding across Garrus' armor.

His larger hand grabbed her wrist. He leaned forward, his eyes expressing the irritation he felt and couldn't express like human's faces could. He could easily tell the woman was high judging by the color of her eyes. "Not interested. I'm here on business."

The stripper was about to try to seduce him again, but she suddenly turned her attention on a Salarian that stood behind her, his face frozen in a smirk.

Rolling his eyes, Garrus was thankful not to run into any more strippers. Though he had to take a double glance at the far corner where he think he saw a Quarian stripper, enviro-suit and all.

"Aria isn't interested in seeing you."

Garrus' attention shifted to the bodyguard standing before him. He crossed his arms and did the closest thing a Turian could do to smirk. "Tell Aria a friend of Commander Shepard is here."

The bodyguard frowned for a moment before he finally disappeared up the stairs. A moment later he returned and nodded his head toward the lounge.

Aria sat in her usual couch, her legs crossed and the frown that had to be permanently sewn onto her face. She motioned for Garrus to take a seat.

"So, what does a friend of Commander Shepard want? You here to finally drag her back to the Citadel?"

Garrus frowned. "Shepard's here?"

Aria's frown looked to have gotten worse, and her eyes narrowed into irritated slits. "If you're not here to take her, then why are you here."

Garrus found himself dumbfounded. "I'm tracking a convict, his trail led me here." He shook his head. That wasn't important. Shepard was here! "Where's Shepard?"

The Asari pointed behind her with her thumb to the dancing crowd. "Your precious Spectre did some mercenary work here, until people were starting to recognize her."

Garrus stalked to the large window and hastily scanned the dance floor, searching for Shepard's face among the hundreds. It was no good, he couldn't see their faces from this high angle.

Aria chuckled. "She spent a lot of her time here. She doesn't look it, but damn can she seduce, though I regret melding with her. She has one _messed_ up head."

"Where is she!" Garrus demanded. Everything was happening so fast and unexpected. He never expected to run into Shepard at a place like this. The people that habited places like this, the crowd, the alcohol, the drugs, it all could eventually consume even the strongest willed person.

Aria rolled her eyes. "She quit the mercenary career. She spent so much time here and knew how to attract people to her, so I hired her."

Garrus' mandibles twitched. "Where can I find her then?"

"I don't know. She's a stripper so she can be anywhere." Another smile formed on blue skin. "But she's the only human stripper in my club. That should narrow down your search."

Garrus felt a chill run down his back. The stripper he ran into when he arrived. _She_ was Shepard.

101010101


	2. Heart of Everything

Not Alone

Chapter II "Heart of Everything"

Open up your eyes

Save yourself from fading away now, don't let it go

Open up your eyes

See what you've become, don't sacrifice

It's truly the heart of everything

-Within Temptation "The Heart of Everything"

101010101

_Aria is an ass, maybe she's just messing with you. There's absolutely no way that…woman is Shepard._

The flood of people continuously moved around him, hindering his search and irritating Garrus further as he continued searching for that human stripper. He wouldn't confirm she was Shepard until he knew for sure. He squashed the urge to fire a warning shot in the air to scare people off, but knew not to attract too much attention to himself.

He didn't know how long he searched, but it took him far too long. He needed to know if that woman was truly Shepard. He refused to believe someone so strong and inspiring would reduce to such a…low life.

The Turian paused, his eyes quickly recognizing the much too scrawny stripper, he cursed when he couldn't see her face. Despite not knowing if the human was Shepard or not, Garrus found himself growling when he noticed that grinning Salarian from earlier had his hands around the woman's body.

He couldn't move, couldn't hear the ear bursting music, and couldn't smell the sweat and alcohol that erupted from the crowd around him. Images, flashbacks, played before his eyes. He had recognized the same grace the human stripper moved. The swing of her hips, the liquid movement of her arms and legs. Her body glided across the dance floor, moving in rhythm to the music. That was the same grace he remembered watching Shepard possess. Only she used that grace to glide from cover to cover, her body ducking and jumping to avoid waves of bullets and the occasional melee spat in the middle of the battlefield.

No, that wasn't enough proof to clarify if the stripper and Shepard were one in the same. All the strippers and majority of the dancers in Afterlife contained equal grace; maybe it was wishful thinking on Garrus' part.

He decreased the distance between the dancing pair and himself. The closer he became the clearer he was able to make further comparisons with the stripper and the only formidable Commander he knew and respected. The stripper looked to be about the same height as Shepard, the same dark hair only much longer than Shepard's shoulder length, and had the same nose. Only huge contrast between both women was the body shape. Shepard is a soldier, a Spectre, so her body was fit with lean muscle. The stripper before him was nothing like that. Her legs and arms were skinnier than Tali's, every rib of her ribcage could be counted from Garrus' distance, and her cheekbones gave the woman's face a sickly, starved appearance.

Just trying to compare this stick of a human to Shepard was insulting. A surge of anger burst through Garrus' veins. He didn't know if he was angry because he felt like he was insulting Shepard by comparing her to this sack of walking bones or because he honestly believed Shepard allowed herself to become like this.

Garrus pulled out of his thoughts when he saw the Salarian whisper into the woman's ear. A large grin grew on her face and she pulled on the alien's hand, leading him towards the exit to the back alleys.

The observing Turian felt a combination of relief and dread as he followed the pair. He was more than glad to be away from the crowded club, but he didn't like the expression on the pair's faces, knowing all too well where they were heading.

The alley's were surprisingly empty, making it a bit difficult for Garrus to follow without drawing attention. Thankfully, however, the Salarian's attention was purely on the woman next to him. The woman swayed as she walked and if not for the alien holding her she would have fallen over a dozen times already. She also led her companion to frequent dead ends or had to pause in order to remember where to find her destination.

Garrus hoped the Salarian would grow impatient and leave, but sadly he followed them to the woman's apparent apartment. He quickly dodged behind a large pile of empty crates.

"Sorry, it's like a maze here. I.. tend to get lost a lot."

Garrus felt as if his throat had dropped to his stomach and his body strangely felt colder. There was no mistaking her voice. He'd recognize Shepard's voice anywhere and he dreadfully confirmed it. The stripper truly _was_ Shepard.

The Turian felt dread turn into confusion, sorrow and ultimately anger. He couldn't comprehend _how_ Shepard could reduce herself to such a pitiful state. He felt sad that such a strong soldier would fall to rock bottom. And he suddenly felt protective over her and the Salarian before him that continuously spoke of provocative things to her only made him angrier.

Not a second later Garrus stepped out of his cover and aimed his pistol directly at the Salarian's head. "Get away from her!"

The couple turned to the taller alien, the Salarian yelped in surprise, taking a step back and his hands thrust up in the air. Shepard, on the other hand, merely stared at the armed Turian, her eyes blinking constantly as if trying to stay awake and her posture swaying.

Garrus took a step forward, causing the other alien to step back, his hands shaking slightly.

"Hey! Th-there's no need for violence man," the Salarian stuttered, his large eyes focused on the pistol. "You want creds? I have plenty! Just take 'em!"

Garrus' mandibles twitched. "I don't want your money. Just get out of here."

The smaller alien's black eyes became wider than anatomically possible for a Salarian, he nodded and scrambled away, tripping as he fled.

Shepard still didn't acknowledge Garrus' presence, but she did notice her companion's absence. Disappointment covered her face and her hands slow crept to her hair, her fingers rubbing her scalp as if trying to feel for something.

Garrus holstered his pistol as he slowly stepped closer to the former Alliance Commander. He's dealt with drunks and junkies before during his C-Sec days and he's learned from those experiences that people under the influence of hallex were very unpredictable. Some were easily aggravated while others possessed a calm and confused behavior. Sometimes a person would be calm and spacey one moment and then suddenly become violent if confronted unexpectedly. As formidable as Shepard is, Garrus didn't want to risk aggravating her, high as she was or not. She was drunk too; he could smell the ryncol on her.

"Shepard," he said, his steps slow as he approached her.

The former Spectre frowned again when she finally turned her gaze on the approaching Turian. Her head tilted as she studied his face.

"Oh," she said, a small grin forming on her much too pale face. "I remember you, soldier." She giggled, making Garrus' gut twist. He had never heard his former leader giggle like such a…well he never even heard her laugh before.

Shepard ran her fingertips along Garrus' armored torso, she stood on her toes to get her face as close to his as possible. "Looks like you want to vent out some of that stress after all, don't you, big guy?"

Garrus opened his mouth, but found himself at a loss of words. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her hands away from his chest. "Shepard, don't you recognize me?"

The smaller woman frowned as she studied the aliens face. A moment passed and her eyes flashed. Then her eyes narrowed. "How do you know my name?" She pulled away from the taller soldier. "I never tell anyone my name."

Talking really wasn't the sniper's best trait. He wanted to avoid either scaring or angering Shepard. "It's me, Shepard, Garrus." The woman's face showed no recognition. Garrus sighed. "Don't you remember me? We worked together before."

Shepard tilted her head again, her body swaying and her legs barely able to support her weight. "What did you ask?" Her face lit after a moment. "Oh, right. We're going to have fun. Follow me."

Garrus sighed again, he felt stupid for thinking he could get Shepard to remember anything despite her condition. He allowed himself to be pulled into a horridly small and dirty apartment. A double bed took majority of the space, in a corner stood a small corner table with a single portable stove burner on top and a mini fridge next to the table. An open door next to the bed led to the bathroom. Clothes, food wrappers and empty booze bottles and cans littered the floor.

Shepard pulled him closer, but Garrus stood his ground and forced her to break hold of his arm. The woman rubbed her palms on his armor, seeking the appropriate places to press to unlock it. She stood on her toes again, placing her face close to his and whispered, "no need to be shy, soldier," her breath reeking of ryncol but also tickling the Turian's face.

Garrus backed away from the woman, but the door closed, denying him anymore distance. If he could blush he would as he watched Shepard climb onto her bed and immediately pulled her shirt over her head. But a new feeling suddenly stabbed his gut, he stared in horror at the long and ugly scars that ran from her shoulders down along her back to her much too slender waist.

Shepard caught his stare. She smirked and rested on the mattress on all four. "I know how you Turian's like to be rough. These," she flexed her shoulder blades," are proof I can handle any Turian."

Garrus saw red. Adrenaline flushed through his veins and he just realized his pistol was nearly cracking under his fists grip. He was about to speak until his words froze in his throat, he noticed Shepard just pulled off the remainder of her clothes.

She opened her legs wider, giving Garrus a _very_ open view of her most private anatomy, and then she leaned forward slightly. "This is what Turian's like, no? What are you waiting for, soldier?"

Garrus shook his head. He had enough of everything. "Shepard! What the hell happened? Why did you…get like this? You're better than this!"

The woman frowned. "You don't like this position?" She shrugged and turned herself around so that her back laid against the mattress. Garrus found himself dumbfounded by her nudity again, as well as more scars along her front. He felt his veins boil.

He hoped no one walked in lest they wanted a shot between the eyes. He quickly scanned the floor and picked up the largest piece of clothing he could find and tossed it over Shepard. He leaned onto the bed and grabbed her shoulder's, he was dangerously close to shaking her shoulders in hopes of knocking her out of her influenced stupor.

There was no use, however. From the many times he's dealt with people in similar conditions when he was at the Citadel he should have known not to waste his time. Shepard was a lost cause until she sobered up.

Sighing in defeat, Garrus made himself as comfortable as possible on Shepard's bed, pulling her close to his side. She struggled at first, kicking the clothing off of her and trying to pry Garrus' hold on her.

"What the hell, you don't want to have fun?" She asked, her words becoming more slurred and harder to understand. She was most likely approaching a black out.

Garrus shrugged. "Of course I want to have fun, but I just want to relax a bit and build up my strength." He offered a three fingered hand to the human. "Don't you want to relax, just for a little while? Then we can have fun."

Shepard stared at him for a long time. Shrugging, she laid back on the bed and snuggled close to her companion. A chill ran down her back and she curled into a ball.

Garrus remained quiet, he hoped the silence would help Shepard find sleep. He dared not move either when he noticed her eyes closed for he didn't want to rouse her again. Minutes or hours passed, he didn't know, and he could finally hear a gentle snore escape Shepard. He sighed in relief and moved to climb off the mattress, but he felt Shepard's arm tighten around his waist.

"Stay with me, Kaiden," she whispered softly.

Her remark made Garrus frown. Observing Shepard's face made him note that even in sleep she couldn't escape from whatever nightmares haunted her. Mentioning Alenko's name added more to his confusion, but at least it was a small improvement in confirming she didn't completely forget who she was.

The Turian carefully draped the bed cover on the former Spectre before whispering, "sleep well, Shepard."

10101

The next "morning" was always the worst. Shepard was always afraid of who she'd wake up next to or where. Her eyes took a few moments to adjust to the dim light, feeling grateful the lights in her apartment were not nearly as bright as the lights in the Normandy. The bed was absent of anyone else save her, which she silently thanked herself for, she really couldn't afford another trip to the medical bay and her skin certainly didn't need any more scars.

Sitting up was the most dreadful part of the hangover, but she really needed to get up. She half walked, half dragged herself to the bathroom. A cold splash of water to her face helped rid of the remainder of the sleep from her eyes. Seeing she was naked in the mirror, Shepard dug into a nearby pile of clothes and stuffed herself in a random shirt and pants.

It wasn't until she stepped out of the bathroom that she realized how empty her apartment became. Her face paled. She shouted every cuss word in English and some alien terms in one breath.

_I've been robbed!_

Not that she had anything of real worth to be stolen, but by the looks of her apartment every bit of clothing was gone.

"Shepard?"

The former Spectre started. Her eyes immediately fell upon the intruder in the apartment. It had been a _long_ time since she last used her biotics, but the power flowed easily when she summoned it. Her arm glowed as she stretched the limb out and upward.

The intruder yelped in surprise as he was lifted into the air. "Shepard, it's me!" As quickly as he was lifted, he was suddenly thrown onto the ground.

Shepard wasted no time to grab the pistol she hid under her bed. She kept the weapon aimed at the intruder. "Who the hell are you?"

10101

Garrus groaned. He _really_ wasn't expecting to be slammed onto the floor. His armor absorbed most of the force from the impact, but his torso still felt bruised and he was still out of breath.

He heard an all too familiar click of a firearm being reloaded. Looking up he was close enough to kiss the small barrel that pointed right at his face. Glancing up further Garrus felt his breath stop. He stared right into Shepard's eyes. Only this was _truly_ Shepard. The fire in her eyes, the way she held her weapon while still having her arm glow as she kept a biotic ability at bay. He fought the urge to jump and hug Shepard. Instead, he merely lifted his hand in a wave.

"Shepard, it's me."

Her eyes extinguished. She lowered the weapon, her arm stopped glowing, and her mouth gaped open. Her eyes eventually narrowed. "Garrus?"

This time the Turian did jump onto his feet, but he didn't know whether to hug his old Commander or slap her.

Shepard beat Garrus to the first spoken word. "What are you doing here?" Her eyes widened in realization. "Oh," she slapped her hand onto her eyes, "did we…"

"No!" Garrus exclaimed. "What I mean is, well…" He motioned to the room with his arms. "I just tidied up the place as you slept."

Sighing in relief, Shepard tossed both her gun and herself onto the mattress, her head hung low and her hands reaching to rub her temples.

Garrus hesitantly sat next to her, handing her a glass of a violet color.

Eyeing the concoction, and dearly hoping it was alcohol, Shepard frowned at the drink. "What is it?"

"Instant hangover cure. Created by Harkins himself."

The cure was truly instant, the throbbing pain in her head immediately ceased. "You really need to give me the recipe."

A long moment of silence passed, a _very_ painful moment for Garrus. He had never felt so many emotions and confusion at once. His body urged to yell and lecture Shepard for being so stupid, but his mind told him to patiently and gently question Shepard and why she allowed herself to fall so far.

His small eyes focused on a long scar that ran along Shepard's forearm. He knew all too well how such a scar could be created; he flexed his arm and stared at the talon. A gentle hand touched his shoulder, knocking him out of thoughts.

His blue eyes stared into a set of cyan. He felt a pang of anger as he studied Shepard's face. She was too skinny; it pained him to see her like this. "Why, Shepard?"

She stepped back as if struck by Garrus. Then she stared at the floor, she didn't answer him. Garrus was about to stand, figuring Shepard wouldn't speak, but when she finally did say something he almost didn't hear her.

"I failed."

Garrus still felt confused. He shook his head slightly. "Failed? Failed what?"

Shepard stood up abruptly and paced around the small apartment. "I failed everything, Garrus! I failed to stop the Reapers!"

The Turian's eyes narrowed. "That isn't your fault, Shepard, and you know it. You still have time to—"

"No," Shepard whispered, throwing herself onto the bed again. "I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of watching people die. I'm tired of failing." She brought her hands to her face. "I'm tired of everything."

Garrus debated on holding Shepard, comfort her. He placed his hand on her shoulder. "Then why…become like this? You're better than this Shepard."

She shook her head, but still kept her face in her hands. "I hate remembering. I'm happy when I don't remember any of it."

Garrus bit his tongue to keep from scoffing. "This isn't like you, Shepard. You're a stronger person than this. I refuse to believe you gave up so fast."

Shepard removed her face from her hands and looked Garrus in the eyes. "I'd rather give up now than stand amongst a bunch of dead people again. People that I _could_ have saved."

Garrus hung his head and then nodded. He understood a little better. Shepard didn't want to go through survivor's guilt again. She went through it twice before. Garrus had been there before; he had fallen and didn't want to get up. Until someone was there to help him up.

He looked at Shepard once more. Despite how strong she was, she was still a person that needed help sometimes. But he couldn't shake the feeling that Shepard didn't tell him everything.

"Come on, Shepard. Let's get you out of here."

101010101

A/N: Thank you to those that took the time to review. Just know that you guys are the ones that inspired me to type this chapter faster than planned. I hope to match the swift update for the next chapter.


	3. Two Weeks

Not Alone

Chapter III "Two Weeks"

Disclaimer: Mass Effect 2 belongs to BioWare.

And still you feel like the loneliness

Is better replaced by this

I don't believe it this way

And I can see the fear in your eyes

I've seen it materialize

Growing stronger each day

–All That Remains "Two Weeks"

101010101

"I HATE YOU, GARRUS!"

Said Turian had to lunge aside to avoid a series of pure energy skidding along the floor that headed directly for him. He landed in a roll and quickly jumped onto his feet, the shockwave Shepard had directed to him crashed into the wall, but surprisingly didn't break it.

"Shepard, calm down," Garrus kept his hands up at his shoulder level.

The ex-Spectre screamed in frustration and outstretched her now glowing arm.

Garrus' normally small eyes bugged and he quickly flattened himself on the ground. Shivers ran down his back as he felt the dark energy of warp sail dangerously close to his armor.

_And here I thought I was happy Shepard decided not to use her weapon._

The Turian rolled aside, nearly a moment too late as he _felt_ the impact of Shepard's foot stomping onto the spot he was previously laying on. Seeing his brief window of opportunity, Garrus quickly swept his long leg behind Shepard's legs.

The human fell onto the floor with an audible _oof_. Her screaming stopped and her eyes began to blink rapidly and her chest ceased any movement.

Panic smacked Garrus as he watched Shepard. But a moment passed and Shepard began to cough, the wind had simply been knocked out of her. Garrus' shoulders dropped and he gave a relieved sigh. Shepard began to cough more violently and the sound of liquid hitting the floor brought the panic feeling back.

Groaning, Garrus dared to look down and sighed again, only this time it was a sigh of despair. Shepard had crawled onto her knees, but then promptly vomited on his shoes.

_Well now I know, knocking a drunk Shepard on her ass equals barf covered shoes._

Once Shepard had finished heaving, she leaned back against the wall, her eyes were still afire and her shoulders were beginning to shake.

Garrus didn't know if she was going to spew fire or cry. He took a hesitant step forward, wincing when he realized he had just stepped into the puddle of the rest of the mess Shepard made, but Shepard's eyes appeared to have grown a red tint in her pupils and both her forearms began to glow.

The alien stopped in his step and raised his arms again. "Shepard," he sighed, "I'm just trying to help."

The word "help" triggered Shepard to jump on her feet and throw another warp at Garrus faster than he could blink. It was his turn for his breath to be forced out of his lungs and he felt himself floating in midair before heavily crashing into her makeshift kitchen. Garrus took a moment to force his lungs to work again, but when he tried to get up he moved a heavily damaged makeshift table and caused a wave of dishes and take out trash to rain down on him.

By the time the Turian climbed onto his feet Shepard was seated on her bed, her head in her hands.

_Don't get near her Vakarian, she'll throw you into the neighbors-who-never-seem-to-complain-about-Shepard's-tantrum-attack's room. _

Despite the logical voice in his head, Garrus slowly stepped in front of Shepard with his eyes closed tight as he braced for another biotic attack. One blue eye slowly opened when no pain was felt. She hadn't moved and her limbs didn't glow, he slowly opened his other eye. For a moment he thought perhaps Shepard had passed out, but when he placed an armor covered hand on Shepard's shoulder she shrugged it off.

Garrus sighed again and fought the urge to rub his head, he felt a headache pounding at the back of his skull. He began to feel a bit guilty, a part of him wanted to give up. For the past few months they went through the same ordeal. He'd visit Shepard, but she was always drunk and high and every time he intervened her "fun time" she'd always react violently.

Every morning when Shepard was sober she always apologized and promised to give up her horrid habits, but whenever Garrus came to visit her again she was always in the same condition. Garrus couldn't help but wonder if he was wasting his time.

His hand tightened into a fist, no he couldn't think like that. Other than Tali, Shepard was the only other friend Garrus had. For everything she's done for him the least he could do was help her. She deserved better than this pitiful life and if he had to eventually drag her out of Omega and lock her in a room for months to clean out her system then he'd do it.

Shepard suddenly stood up which jarred Garrus out of his thoughts. She didn't speak, she merely walked to her bathroom, the door sliding shut behind her.

_Well she didn't pull my eyes out of my sockets or shove her gun up my ass like she's tried last time. Maybe she is getting better._

The rank of half digested alcohol snuck into Garrus' nostrils. He frowned, or at least did the equivalent of a frown that a Turian could manage, and sought something to clean the mess.

The "kitchen" portion of Shepard's one bedroom apartment consisted of a sink, counter, mini fridge and what appeared to be a small plastic crate used as a table (which was now sprawled onto the floor thanks to Garrus' earlier graceful fall). Garrus took some discarded dirty towels from the floor and soaked them in the sink before cleaning his shoes and the floor, he could buy new towels for Shepard later.

Cleaning was also another endless cycle for the Turian whenever he came to visit his old friend. Once Shepard had passed out he took that time to clean her apartment, he even kept a stash of cleaning supplies.

Garrus found himself inhaling deeply, savoring the sweet flower smell erupting from the cleaning solution he used on the floor and his shoes. Cherry blossoms was the name of the fragrance, a favorite of Shepard's. He didn't know what it was, but he certainly enjoyed the smell of it whenever Shepard left the shower.

_It doesn't smell like cherries though. _

With the floor and his shoes now clean and smelling much better, Garrus plopped himself on Shepard's bed for a moment. He strained to hear for anything from the bathroom, he hoped Shepard didn't pass out in there again.

"Garrus," Shepard's voice was quiet, raspy, and very close to the Turian's face. He nearly jumped out of his armor, he didn't hear Shepard even exit the bathroom.

The ex-Commander kept her face close to the Turian's. Garrus tried to keep distance between their faces, but he could only lean backwards so far without falling on the mattress.

A small smile grew on the woman's face when she sensed Garrus' discomfort. She placed a finger on his chest and pushed him onto the bed, her legs straddling his waist. She rested her weight on her hands, which were placed by either side of the alien's shoulders.

_Well this is new. You ruined her "fun time" with that ass wipe of a Turian and now she wants to substitute you for him._

"I've always liked you, Garrus," Shepard continued to whisper, her face close enough that her breath tickled Garrus' jaw. He noted the smell of cherry blossoms in her hair and her breath smelled of mint. Her fingers began to caress his jaw, the slight touch of her skin on his caused a shiver to run down his spine.

He grabbed her hand suddenly. "Shepard, let's not do this again."

The woman smiled. She leaned forward, her lips dangerously close to Garrus' cheek. "Don't you like me, Garrus?"

Groaning, the Turian tried to pry Shepard off of him, but the strength of her legs locked around him nearly scared him. He sighed. "Yes, of course I like you, Shepard. But-"

"-But what?" Shepard asked, her tone a little more sharp. "I'm human? So you won't do me?"

Garrus sighed again. His headache was now pounding a hole in his skull, which hampered his ability to think straight. That and the feel of Shepard's legs around his and the sweet smell from her wet hair was also a contributing factor. He tried to push against her shoulders to create some distance between them, but she locked her forearms behind his own shoulders.

"Shepard," Garrus said sternly. "I could never take advantage of you."

The dark haired woman laughed. "You're so adorable, Garrus."

He winced. _Yeah every man, Turian's included, want to hear that from a woman._

"I do believe it is _I _that is taking advantage." Shepard's breath tickled the Turian's neck. Her lips inched closer to his face.

"But if you do like me, Commander," Garrus stalled, his hands keeping Shepard's face at bay, "then wouldn't you want to at least remember what we shared?"

His words brought a frown to the woman's face. For a brief moment she pulled away from Garrus and fell in thought. Garrus saw his opportunity again. He pushed and twisted her body to his side, but with her limbs still locked around him she pulled him with her and they ended up switching positions on the bed, Shepard on bottom and Garrus on top of her.

_Damn it Vakarian you're pathetic! A human, a woman at that, is able to overpower you._

_She can't overpower me she's just clinging onto me. I can't hurt her._

_Then don't. Why not just give in? She surely wants this. You know you-_

_-No, I don't want this. She's vulnerable, doesn't know what she's doing._

"Shepard," the alien sighed. "This isn't you. You're not like this."

Her frown deepened. "How do you know this isn't the real me?"

"You're drunk. And high."

Another laugh filled the silent apartment. "Who's to say this isn't what I want even if I was…was…sober?"

Garrus opened his mouth to reply, but was immediately cut off by the touch of Shepard's forehead against his. His blue eyes were inches away from her cyan ones. He wanted to pull his head away, use all of his strength to pry Shepard off him, and perhaps heat up some tea to help her fall asleep. But he did nothing. He couldn't.

Staring into her eyes paralyzed him. He's never believed in that saying where emotions could be seen through a person's eyes. It was physically and anatomically impossible. Yet, he found himself witnessing so much sadness in Shepard's beautiful cyan eyes. He tried to speak, but no words could form.

Shepard leaned the lower half of her face forward and pressed her lips upon his mouth. The physical contact jerked him out of his trance and he hastily pulled away. He realized Shepard no longer had her legs wrapped around his waist so he stood on suddenly shaky legs.

The look on her face tore him apart. The sorrow he saw in her eyes were now etched on her face.

"Shepard, it's not that I don't want, um what I'm trying to say is," he stuttered, not knowing how to express himself without hurting her feeling or leading her on. He watched her silently crawl into a fetal position, her arms hugging a pillow to her chest.

Sighing again, the tall alien sat back onto the mattress, his upper body leaning on his elbow. "Why do you do this to yourself?"

She didn't reply right away. Her colored eyes narrowed as if thinking. Finally she answered, "do what?"

"This," Garrus used his arm and motioned to her apartment and herself. "Why do you drown yourself in ryncol and hallex?"

Shepard didn't reply immediately again. She changed positions so she was lying on her back and placed one arm across her abdomen, the other on top of her forehead. Garrus thought he saw her lip shake for a quick moment.

_You shouldn't be asking her this when she's in this condition._

_I know that! But, she never wants to tell me anything when she is in the proper condition._

_You're taking advantage of her. How is this any different than sleeping with her?_

_This is completely different! I'm trying to help her! I can't help her if she doesn't open up._

"I lost a lot when I died, Garrus."

Her voice was so soft, he almost couldn't hear her. He could still hear and feel the consistent pulse of the music erupting from Afterlife. He positioned himself in a more comfortable position and scooted closer to his companion, but he nearly jumped out of his armor again when Shepard suddenly pressed her face against his shoulder and began to sob.

_This is new. Normally Shepard is feisty, seductive, and sometimes violent when she's drunk. Now she's…weepy. _

Jokes aside, Garrus listened intently as Shepard continued half sobbing and half talking. The more Garrus listened, however, the more fire blazed in his small, blue eyes.

10101

"Whoa," Shepard dropped her bag and stalked to the large window. "How'd you get an apartment with such fantastic view of the Citadel?"

Garrus chuckled. "Well working with C-Sec for so many years, being a member of your crew that saved the Council's ass, and becoming a Spectre does have its perks."

Shepard didn't say more. She remained standing before the large window in the apartment Garrus bought. A two story, three bedroom apartment with a view. It was more of a condo, though. Compared to Shepard's one bedroom apartment at Omega this place was a mansion.

Garrus took her bag, but didn't know which room to take it in. He had yet to officially move in himself. When he finally convinced Shepard to leave Omega he quickly called in a few favors and shelled out a huge chunk of his paycheck to secure a place to live. She was apprehensive about retuning to the Citadel, but she trusted Garrus when he told her it was the best place to recover.

Ever since that night, when Shepard broke down and revealed her inner demons to Garrus he refused to leave her. He didn't want to leave again and return to a broken friend. Now that he knew why she was trying to drown herself, to forget her failures, he had to get her out of Omega. Staying in that place was only breaking her further.

Now that he took her out of that rotten planet, out of the Terminus Systems, and into the best place in the Citadel money could buy, Garrus felt himself inflate with a little bit of pride.

Arms were suddenly wrapped around his torso and the smell of cherry blossoms drifted into his nostrils. He was hesitant to return the hug, but when he decided to return the affection Shepard had already pulled away.

"You aren't making this easy on me, Vakarian," Shepard grinned.

"Excuse me?"

Her grin grew into a full smile.

Garrus mysteriously felt awestruck. It had been such a long time since he's ever seen Shepard smile. A _real_ smile. Not the ones she always had when she was drunk off her ass.

She folded her arms behind her back, Garrus had to blink away the sudden illusion of seeing her in her N7 armor, and she headed towards the window again. "You're making it harder for me to pay you back."

Garrus chuckled. "You don't have to do anything, Shepard."

She turned around quickly, her black hair swinging over her shoulder. "Of course I have to pay you back! I can't just…just…"

"After everything you've done for me, Commander?"

Shepard winced, and Garrus bit his tongue. Calling her by her military rank was such a difficult habit to rid of. But nevertheless, he inhaled deeply. "You've done a lot for me, Shepard. Let's just say _this_ is a minor payment."

Shepard shook her head, a small smile still on her face. "So…how about a tour of the place?"

10101

Two weeks was too long. Two weeks since he's heard or seen Shepard. Garrus paced around his private quarters of his ship.

_Why so eager to see the Commander?_ _Worried that you'll return and see her intoxicated again? Or are you more afraid of walking in and seeing her with another Turian?_

Images of Shepard's severely scarred back haunted his vision, but he quickly shook his head as if to clear his thoughts.

No, Shepard was getting better. The only reason she turned to substance abuse to distract her from her inner torment was because she was living on Omega. That place was a poison, the longer you were on it the more you rotted away. Now that she was on the Citadel there was no reason for her to return to ryncol and hallex.

By the time his ship docked on the Citadel, the floor of Garrus' private quarters nearly had an indentation of the path from his pacing. The fear and anxiety in Garrus quickly washed away once his feet touched the floor of the docks elevator and was replaced with eagerness. He was eager to see Shepard again.

_And you say humans are weird. You act as if this is the first time you've left Shepard behind while you went on an assignment. Not to mention you've been gone longer when she was living on Omega._

Garrus ignored his annoying thoughts and continued his journey back to his apartment. If he walked any faster he'd have to run.

"Shepard?"

_Wow could you sound any more like a little kid asking for mommy?_

The apartment was still clean, the white carpet stainless, the windows spotless, and not a single piece of random clothing or trash on the floor.

_See, and you were worried she had trashed the place. _

"Shepard?" He hadn't returned late, every store in the Citadel was still open, so there was no way she would be asleep. Perhaps she was just napping? He checked her room upstairs, but found it empty. She wasn't in either bedroom, each bathroom was open and vacant, and there was no sign of her in the kitchen.

Garrus cursed. There was only one place she could be.

10101

It had been a _very_ long time since he's been in a place like this. Loud music, blinding lights, intense body heat. But at least Dark Star was a lot cleaner and the drinks trustworthy to drink compared to Afterlife.

"Kaiden!"

He was oblivious to the person shouting at him until he was tapped on the shoulder.

"Man, what took you so long to get here?" His friend clapped him on the back, but he didn't wait for a reply. "Never mind that, you wouldn't believe this chick we picked up! She's hot and piss drunk." He nudged him in the ribs. "Since we're here on celebration of your promotion-"

"-John," Kaiden interrupted, "I was promoted months ago."

"Yeah and you were too busy to party with us then," John led Kaide to the back area of the club where the rest of their company danced. "Anyway, you're here now so let's have fun. Hey, if you want to take the chick with you fine, since it's your party you can have her first."

Kaiden ignored his friends vulgar suggestion, he was too tired to argue. He took the drink his other friend, Gordon, handed him when he approached the rest of his friends. Though none of them seemed to pay him any heed, all of their attention, instead, was focused on the woman they were dancing with.

She was pretty enough, Kaiden thought to himself, but she was too skinny. The revealing clothes she wore showed off every bony joint in her body. There was also something familiar about her face, but he couldn't figure what.

Kaiden tried to introduce himself to the woman, but one look at her eyes and he could tell she was high on hallex. When she said something to him, her hands groping his shoulders, he could smell ryncol on her breath as well.

"Ah, so you're…you're the soldier, yes?" She slurred. "I was in the Alliance once, too."

Gordon laughed and muttered something Kaiden couldn't hear. He moved himself closer to the woman and she in turn changed her attention to him. Kaiden felt his throat tighten and his breath halted. Despite the darkness and flashing lights in the club, he immediately noticed horrid long scars that ran along the woman's back.

101010101


	4. Broken

Not Alone

Chapter IV "Broken"

Disclaimer: Mass Effect 2 belongs to BioWare.

'Cause I'm broken when I'm open

And I don't feel like I am strong enough

'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome

And I don't feel right when you're gone away

- Seether (feat. Amy Lee) "Broken"

101010101

"Jane!"

The sudden voice shook the ex-Spectre from her dreamless slumber. Her eyes stung from the sudden exposure to the air and she had to blink and rub the sleepiness from her eyes.

"Jane."

She found it strange that she felt cold despite the silk bed sheets wrapped around her frame. The thermostat on the air conditioner probably busted again.

"Jane."

The small clock next to her bed read just a few minutes passed six. A groan escaped her throat, it was too incredibly early for her to be awake so _soon_. Not two hours ago she had just fallen asleep.

"Jane."

"Okay, okay!" She cried out in frustration. She used to be a morning person, but that habit died when she became accustomed to a graveyard shift. Her toes protested against the coldness of the carpet, and her vision swirled due to her suddenly standing.

"Jane."

"I'm coming already," Shepard half mumbled and half yawned. Light blinded her when she opened her bedroom door and she paused in the hallway. Where was he calling her from? The problem with the large apartment was that any loud sound created an echo. She checked the bedroom down the hall, but it was empty as well as both of the bathrooms.

"Jane."

Cursing under her breath, and feeling wide awake, Shepard jogged down the stairs but found the living room abandoned. The main bedroom and bathroom on the ground floor were also vacant. That left one final place to check.

"Finally," Shepard frowned, her arms crossing over her chest. However, the kitchen was also void of her caller.

_What the _hell_ is going on? I know I heard him calling me._

"Sorry Jane," black hair was all that the woman could see hiding behind the kitchen counter. After a moment, Kaiden stood. He was clad in only his sleeping pants and his hair was flat on one side. He looked at Shepard and gave her a wide smile. "I should've told you where I was, but I wanted you to hear this."

Shepard frowned again. "Hear what?"

Kaiden smiled again and made a cooing sound as he bent over and disappeared out of sigh again behind the counter. When he straightened he was carrying a toddler. "She's speaking."

Shepard felt as if a Krogan had punched her in the gut.

Kaiden kissed the squirming child and inched closer to the stunned woman. "Our daughter is beautiful," he whispered. "Just like her mother."

Shepard felt her eyes moisten and her chest tightened. She smiled, sniffed, and wiped her eyes before Kaiden could see the tears. Too late, she felt his strong arm pull her close to him. She lifted a hand to her daughters short hair.

The touch caused the toddler to face the source of the touch. Shepard stared into the cyan eyes her daughter inherited from her. She smiled and kissed the child's bulging cheek.

"Mommy!"

Shepard's jaw dropped. She felt Kaiden's warm chest vibrate from a laugh. Smiling again, Shepard took her daughter from his arm, hugged the child tight to her chest, and sank her face into Kaiden's shoulder.

10101

Shepard's eyes opened harshly. Her heart was beating rapidly and she was breathing as if she had ran a mile. She jumped into a sitting position and turned to the other half of her bed. It was empty, no extra pillow and the bed sheets were undisturbed. Her body felt cold yet she could feel and smell the sweat on her clothes, the sheets and the blanket.

Everything had felt so real. The image of her daughter, the warmth of her tiny body, the sound of her voice.

_Mommy…_

Kaiden was exactly as she remembered him that night. Their night. His comforting voice, the warmth of his chest, the safe feeling she had every time he wrapped his arms around her.

It was too much. Her wall broke and she broke down. Falling back onto the bed and curling up, Shepard cried. Was she to have a daughter? Would he or she have her eyes? Or Kaiden's? What would be his or her first word?

The more she thought about her child the more sick she came to feel. She sprinted to the bathroom and managed to make it to the toilet on time. It was both extremely uncomfortable and painful to sob and violently vomit at the same time. When her heaves became dry she barely had the strength to flush the commode.

She kneeled at the toilet for a long time, the coolness of the porcelain seat against her warm face felt good, almost comforting. But she couldn't get the image of the little girls face out of her head. That would have been her. She would have been happy, a child and Kaiden.

If she didn't die she wouldn't have killed her child. She wouldn't have lost Kaiden. She would finally have that family she never had. A frustrated, pained scream forced its way out of her rough throat. She didn't know how long she stayed like that, crying and screaming.

When the pain finally felt numb, she pushed her shaky body onto its feet and faced the sink. The numbness afflicted her mind and she blindly began to act on habit. She brushed her teeth and washed her face, but she made the mistake of looking into the mirror.

She couldn't recognize the person she saw on the other side of the mirror. It couldn't be her. The person she saw had a sickly appearance. Sunken cheeks, puffy red eyes with dark circles under them, and cyan eyes that almost looked gray.

Cyan. The same color eyes her daughter had. Shepard inherited her eye color from her father. When she tried to remember him all she could remember was her father trying to shield herself and her mother from that raider. He took three bullets to the chest and one to the neck. When he fell back, dead and bloody, Shepard remembered his cyan eyes, eternally staring into nothing. By the time the attack had diminished and the fallen were gathered Shepard remembered his eyes, too, faded.

The images of her father's sacrifice and lifeless body triggered her stomach to churn. Her hand covered her mouth and she quickly kneeled before the porcelain bowl again.

As she emptied what remained in her system her memories continued their torture on the former soldier. The strong pull of her memories melded her senses to that day. The smell of blood, burned flesh, and decay overwhelmed her senses. The pain of scorched tissue, bruised ribs and a broken arm penetrated through the numbness of her body. When she opened her eyes she found herself standing before her ruined home, bodies of her parents and her closest friend next to her.

"Enough!"

The mirror mounted on the wall nearby Shepard convulsed, glowed, and then cracked. The woman held her head between her now glowing hands, her breathing escalating.

_No more, no more, please no more._

Slowly, the colorful images within her mind began to burn. Just like she witnessed her home fall in flames she willed her memories to burn with it. The mirror shook again and the cracks widened until the glass shattered and showered down on Shepard.

Finally, her mind became a blank. Despite the tears that left a salty trail along her cheeks, a small smile grew on the corner of her mouth. Mental exhaustion hit her, she wanted nothing more but to fall asleep on her soft bed, but her body continued to shake from the shock of witnessing the once forgotten memories.

_Garrus should be knocking down my bedroom door now. He'll put me on my bed, it isn't the first time._

The woman curled up, her knees drawn up close to her torso and her arms used as a makeshift pillow.

_You really are pathetic. What happened to that strong soldier that saved the galaxy?_

A bitter chuckle escaped Shepard. Every night, every morning she always had this thought. But she always had the same answer.

_That soldier died. No one can come back from the dead._

10101

"Garrus?"

Shepard had awoken on the bathroom floor, not on the bed like she thought. Her back and neck hurt and her leg was still stiff.

The apartment was too quiet, she hated the silence. Silence meant something was wrong, just like Tali would say when she first joined the Normandy crew. On Omega Shepard came to grow depended on the constant pulse of the music from Afterlife. On the Citadel, the only noise from outside was the quick hum of the engines from the passing vehicles.

The human found her roommate's room empty, as well as every bathroom. As she jogged down the stairs she noticed the lack of any smells drifting from the kitchen, normally Garrus has some kind of strange smelling Turian food cooking.

There was a note, however, on a small table that stood in front of the couch.

Shepard,

Sorry I had to leave without telling you, I was called in for an emergency in the middle of the night. I don't know how long I'll be gone. Use the credit chit I left on the table should you need anything, but remember to avoid the security checkpoints until my contact is able to change your bio-identity.

Take Care,

Garrus

The note was typed and printed, and sure enough a small credit chit rested on the table. Shepard tossed herself on the couch with a long sigh. She was hoping she could convince Garrus to take her somewhere, anywhere, she was tired of staying in the apartment.

But if any C-Sec scanner identified her then the Council would be aware of her presence, and who knows what they had in store for a "Cerberus spy", but Shepard wasn't going to find out. Garrus got in contact with some old friends during his C-Sec days about altering Shepard's identity.

Until then, Shepard kept a low profile. There were only a small handful of places she could travel to. Thankfully, since she grew her hair, and with her thinner frame no one recognized her. Still, Garrus had convinced her to alter the color of her hair.

Although, with Garrus gone what could she do? The food supply would be enough to last for a few weeks so a trip to the food market was unneeded. There was nothing else that needed to be bought.

Shepard would love to pay a visit to the shooting range, but the security there was understandably strict. The shops were there, but Shepard wasn't in a shopping mood. And she would feel guilty about using Garrus' credits to buy things that were not a necessity.

_Can't believe I miss being a stripper._

At least when she worked at night and slept most of the day, she kept the remaining free hours of her day cleaning or buying things she needed. Then she'd return to work, lose herself in the booze and hallex, have some fun with some random guy, go home, sleep, repeat the cycle. It was a boring life, but at least it kept her _busy_. It was a profession she preferred over her mercenary work days. She was just tired of fighting. If she didn't fight she couldn't fail, right?

_Keep telling yourself that. Submitting to a non-military life is still eating you up. _

Shepard shook her head, as if hoping she could clear her thoughts. Even if she _could_ admit she missed her Alliance life it was too late to go back. She was a traitor, a spy. The Council don't trust her, neither would the Alliance.

_You blew your chances at having a life you love when you quit Cerberus. They gave you everything the Council didn't, it was perfect. You are a moron for leaving them. They were the only ones that believed you about the Reapers. _

Hissing in frustration, Shepard angrily jumped to her feet, arm glowing, she focused her minor mass effect field and was _very_ close to throwing the couch right out the massive window. As quickly as she felt the anger surge through her veins she stopped, her temper cooling. If she tossed the couch out the window not only would she cost Garrus a lot of credits to have everything repaired, but she'd also jeopardize her low profile.

She needed to distract herself, and fast. When things were quiet, when she was quiet with nothing to do, her mind enjoyed torturing herself. She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly several times until she felt calm enough to tie her now blonde hair up. She rolled up her sleeves, grabbed some gloves and sought the cleaning supplies. Cleaning the whole apartment should keep her busy for the day. Then she could do the laundry. After that…well…

_You'll think about that later. _

10101

A completely clean apartment later, Shepard cursed at her insomnia. She had been laying in bed for three hours and she still couldn't submit to her physical exhaustion. Cleaning everything from the carpet to the ceiling by hand took its toll on her, and she still had time to do both hers and Garrus' laundry. She managed to eat a small meal, read a magazine during a comforting warm bath, and retired to bed.

Eventually, she managed to sleep. But whenever her body entered that certain "dream" phase she bolted awake. She was afraid to dream. If she was afraid to dream that meant she was afraid to sleep.

The night seemed to have lasted for eighty hours. There was nothing to watch on the television and no stores would be open. Nothing save for Dark Star.

Shepard scolded herself mentally for thinking about going to the club. Sure, the place wasn't as immoral as Afterlife, but a club was a club. If she went the temptation of ryncol and hallex would be too much.

The woman spent the remaining hours of the night reading and rereading the only magazine in the apartment. When she read so much of it she could recite it with her eyes closed she began tearing out each page. Then she tried her best at Origami, but failed miserably. She vowed to visit the bookstore the next day and buy the thickest books she could find. Maybe she would even look at some computers. There was also that game store.

There were a few more times that Shepard managed to sleep, but again she slept for an hour or two, but once she began to dream she awoke.

The next morning she felt like she hadn't gotten any sleep. Still, she made plans to purchase some things to keep her busy.

The books didn't work out. The Citadel had long stopped selling novels written on paper, now they were only sold via extranet or on disks. The disks were useless unless one had a computer, which Shepard did not own. The store didn't even have magazines, which were still sold on paper.

The prices of the computers were too much for Shepard to afford, at least for the amount of credits she herself had, but the credits Garrus left her was more than enough to purchase even the most expensive computer the store had in stock. As tempted as she was, Shepard couldn't bring herself to spend credits that weren't hers.

_Bet you're wishing now you didn't spend every credit to your name on weapons and armor upgrade when you were with Cerberus, and the remaining credits on ryncol and hallex. _

Forcing her thoughts to the back of her head, Shepard left the market district feeling very dismayed. Until her bio-identity was changed she couldn't work.

_This boredom is going to kill me_.

Six days had passed and Shepard found thins to do. During the day she kept busy with cleaning, television, and roaming the Citadel. Jogging and exercising helped tremendously, but her appetite still hadn't returned to normal. She ate little and despite the exercise she wasn't gaining weight, her body still looked too skinny.

But the nights were her weakness. At night the Citadel went to sleep, she couldn't. She couldn't roam or jog around the Citadel, doing so would only arouse suspicion by C-Sec. If she sat through another minute of watching infomercials she was going to eat her own eyeballs.

On the seventh night Shepard couldn't take it anymore. Her suppressed memories continued to threaten to resurface. There was only one place that stayed awake during the night, Dark Star.

Just because she would visit the place didn't mean she would drink anything other than water. She just needed to go and socialize, some dancing would be a good distraction.

10101

"Hit me again," Shepard ordered before falling into a cough fit. She really couldn't remember the ryncol being _this_ concentrated in Afterlife. Or maybe the bartender didn't dilute the alcohol as much. Either way, she didn't care. She was just glad to be rid of those annoying pictures of death in her head.

Her glass was filled and the woman wasted no time to slam the drink back. The alcohol quickly numbed her senses and clouded her head. A drunken smile grew on her face. Now she would be able to sleep peacefully again.

10101

Four more days had passed and Shepard still found herself waking in the late afternoon with no memories of the previous night but feeling mentally and physically well rested.

Sometimes she'd feel bad for returning to her substance abuse habit, other times she didn't. She couldn't use Garrus' credits to buy a computer, so naturally she couldn't use his credits to buy alcohol, she spent her own credits on the booze, though most of the time a guy or two would buy her several drinks. She was a better person when she was with people. She was happy. She's happy when she wakes up late in the day and spends the rest of it jogging or just randomly exploring the Citadel.

When she returned to the Dark Star she didn't really need to drink, but it made her feel better. She was able to let lose a little and dance, meet new people, make friends.

Eventually, however, the alcohol betrayed her. It cooperated with her mind and started to make her see things, see people she wanted to forget. Whenever she spent time with a guy his face would sometimes look like Kaiden. It annoyed her. But the more she drank to drown away his face it just became worse. Thinking of Kaiden ruined her good mood. It was only a matter of time until she started investing in hallex again.

Shepard fell again.

10101

_Where have I seen this woman?_

Kaiden had retired to a small table near the dance floor, he wasn't much of a dancer. He looked down at his drink, he only took one sip from it. Then he pushed the small glass away, he wasn't much of a drinker either. His hangovers caused his migraines to last longer and hurt even worse.

A hand appeared and grabbed the newly promoted Staff Commander's abandoned drink. Looking up, Kaiden raised a thick eyebrow as he watched that scarred woman help herself to his drink. She swallowed it in one gulp and nearly stumbled as she climbed into the chair opposite of Kaiden.

"Why aren't…you, uh…dancing?"

_I've seen her, but where!_

He felt something brush against his hand, it was her. Her skinny fingers groped along the back of his hand, he quickly retreated his hand from her. "I'm not a good dancer."

The woman giggled. "A few drinks will…will change your mind."

"I don't drink."

"Well aren't you fun," the woman pouted. She noticed the hard glare Kaiden was giving her. "Are you…angry?"

Kaiden blinked. "What? Oh, no," he scratched the back of his neck. "It's just…have we met? Before today that is."

The woman's eyes narrowed. The serious expression on her face caused a shiver to run up his spine.

_That's it! She just looks almost like-_

"-You look like him," the woman interrupted.

The Alliance soldier frowned. "Me? Who?"

The woman shrugged. "This man I knew. He was…" She paused, her eyes staring at the corner behind Kaiden. He turned to see what she was staring at, but found nothing there.

"Hey," he broke the woman's trance.

_Damn, the more I look at her the more I see Shepard's face._

The woman shook her head, then she offered a small smile. "He was a soldier too. So was I."

Kaiden's face fell and his hair on the back of his neck straightened.

_No, they're too different. And this woman may _look_ a bit like Shepard. Shepard doesn't have blonde hair, and she didn't have a claw like scar on her throat._

"Were you two close?" Kaiden mentally kicked himself. He didn't know why he protruded on this woman's personal life, he didn't even know her. But something in his gut kept telling him he should learn more about this woman. At least to prove to himself that he was just wishful thinking.

Sadness covered the woman's face. Her eyes glistened, and her voice became broken. "I…was going to have his baby."

Kaiden winced. It was a very personal confession, and suddenly Kaiden felt guilty. A part of him wanted to know more, but he knew not to pursue any further painful memories for the woman.

_That's probably why she's here, to forget._

"I'm sorry." Kaiden whispered. His sympathy was a waste, the music muffed his voice and he didn't have the energy to repeat in a louder tone.

The woman cradled the empty glass, her eyes glistening further. "It was my fault, I should've…tried harder." She turned her gaze back to Kaiden. "You really do look like him. Are you a biotic?"

Kaiden frowned, he wasn't expecting to be asked that. He slowly nodded.

"He was too. But he rarely used his abilities in battle. I think hurting people reminded him of when he killed his teacher. Though his Turian bastard of a teacher deserved it."

_Wait, did she just-_

"Yo!" John joined the table. "Babe, we thought you ditched us."

The woman rolled her eyes, her earlier expression of sorrow was completely void on her face. "Ditch a group of handsome soldiers? Not a chance."

John, with his back to Kaiden, pulled a small glowing cylinder from his pocket, showing it to the woman. Her eyes lit up and she wrapped her arm around his and they disappeared into the growing crowd, completely ignoring Kaiden's inquiries.

"Wait!" Kaiden's shout was useless, the music drowned out his voice and neither his friend or the woman heard him.

What that woman said. No, it had to be a coincidence. His stomach refused to settle and he broke into a cold sweat. He needed to talk to that woman again.

As he pressed between the massive chaos of the dance floor, Kaiden felt suffocated from the numerous bodies dancing and moving around him. He searched for the two companions, but lost sight of them.

He searched for what felt like an hour. He had found his other friends, but when questioned they had no idea of the location of John and the woman.

Kaiden was about to venture outside the club, until he finally spotted the pair stepping out of the bathroom. His eyes locked on the two and he quickly tackled his way through the wall of dancers.

He grabbed the woman's frail shoulders. "I need to speak with you."

There was something different about the woman. Her eyes were unfocused, and bloodshot. She stared at Kaiden a moment with an almost startled expression, then she fell into a giggle.

"Ah, eager for some fun time, huh?" Her long, thin fingers traced along the middle of Kaiden's chest.

Kaiden lifted a brow, then he quickly shook his head and pried the woman's fingers from his chest. "No, I need to ask you about something. Can we go outside?"

The woman grinned. "Outside? My, aren't you a kinky one."

Kaiden wanted to pull out his hair. He wasn't an impatient man, but there was something about the environment that was shortening his fuse. The music was making his ears hurt, the smell of body sweat and alcohol was overwhelming his nostrils, and he was nearly frantic to know if this woman was Shepard.

Even though its been months since Kaiden had seen Shepard, her face was still unforgettable. The things she said about her lover hit too close to home.

The woman was being pulled away from him by John. Kaiden felt the last of his patience wear off. "Damn it John, I need to speak to her."

John's eyes were also bloodshot. His face fell into a sneer. "Hey you passed on her, remember? Now that she's interested in me you want to take her now? Well screw you." He pulled the woman closer to him, but his grip was too strong and the woman winced.

Kaiden noticed the pain that flashed on her face. "Hey man, you're hurting her." He placed a hand on John's arm, but the physical contact seemed to only aggravate him further.

"Hey _man_, back off. She's my whore."

Kaiden snapped.

_No one speaks to Shepard like that_.

John suddenly stumbled backwards, a noticeable cut on his lip. The hallex influenced soldier tasted blood and was immediately in his friends face. He grabbed Kaiden's shirt collar and returned the punch.

The force pushed Kaiden onto a table and sent several glasses onto the floor, glass shattering everywhere. Several people around them stopped dancing and watched the fight continue.

Kaiden had no idea what came over him, or why he even defended this woman.

_You called her Shepard. _

He was still hazy on what to believe, but when John insulted her his body just fell into action. His hand reached to touch his tender nose and he saw blood on his fingertips. He lunged at John again, but suddenly he was grabbed and shoved aside. His hands tightened into fists and he had to desperately urge his body not to swing a blind punch at whoever intervened. But his anger was quickly extinguished, C-Sec already stepped in.

_That Turian isn't with C-Sec_.

10101

Garrus almost didn't care for the small scuffle between the human, but that was until he noticed Shepard standing nearby the men. He worried Shepard might get involuntary involved in the fight, she was standing too close and could easily get caught in the crossfire.

The Spectre easily walked through the crowd and grabbed the man that was thrown into a table. One look at his face and Garrus felt his blood run cold. It was Alenko. He'd recognize his face anywhere.

_And he's with Shepard. This can't be good._

He looked at Shepard, but she didn't seem at all concerned about what was happening before her eyes. Garrus looked more closely at her and he felt his stomach fall. Her eyes were bloodshot. She probably couldn't even recognize Alenko.

"Garrus!"

_Well at least she still recognizes me._

"Jane." The Turian nodded, he avoided using Shepard's surname for obvious reasons, and welcomed the hug the ex-commander offered him. He stole a glance at Alenko. The expression on his face was priceless, as he's heard Shepard say.

The other human male involved in the fight looked between Shepard and Garrus. Finally, as if he summoned his courage, he stepped before Garrus.

"I don't know who you think you are, man, but you can't just take my girl away."

"_Your _girl?" Garrus sneered. He stepped closer to the man and stood straight, towering the human. "You are aware of what Spectre's are allowed to do?"

Despite being high, the man's face paled in understanding. His jaw clenched tightly, as well as his fists, but he said nothing.

Garrus said nothing more. He placed a hand behind Shepard's back and led her to the exit. Luckily, she didn't resist.

"Wait."

Alenko stood before Garrus.

Seeing the man made Garrus want to spit, if he had lips. Instead, he glared at the Alliance soldier. "Get out of my way, Alenko."

Shepard had difficulty walking unaided so she hugged Garrus' arm and leaned her head against his shoulder. "You're too good to me, Garrus."

_Yeah. I know._

Garrus and Shepard exited the club with no troubles, C-Sec had arrived but instantly recognized the Turian Spectre and allowed him to pass them. They didn't make it far, Alenko followed them.

"Wait Garrus, please."

Hearing his voice brought his blood to a boil and he squashed the urge to shoot Alenko. Nonetheless, he stopped and faced the Alliance soldier.

Alenko kept his eyes on Shepard, as if still trying to confirm it was really her. "Sh-Shepard? Is it…really you?"

The woman frowned and tilted her head, resembling a confused puppy. "How do you…how do you know my name?"

Alenko looked like he was punched in the gut. "Shepard? It's me-"

"Shut up, Alenko." Garrus interrupted.

The human frowned. "Garrus, what Shepard told me earlier-"

Garrus pulled Shepard closer to him in a protective embrace. "It's _your_ fault she gets like this!"

Alenko looked like he was either going to cry or vomit. "M-me? What'd I do?"

Garrus glared at the shorter male. "It's what you _didn't_ do. If I see you following us again I'll shoot you down. If you speak a word to _anybody_ that Shepard is here I _will_ kill you."

With that, Garrus led Shepard away.

101010101

A/N: Another faster-than-normal update brought to everyone thanks to the awesome reviewers that inspire me so much XD


	5. What I See

Not Alone

Chapter V "What I See"

Disclaimer: Mass Effect 2 belongs to BioWare.

I just don't know why everything has to go away

I just don't know why everything has to fade away

I cannot escape

There's nothing more I can do

I just don't know why do I need you?

- Lacuna Coil "What I See"

101010101

It had been a long time since Garrus had ever felt trapped in a corner.

He knew Alenko wouldn't open his mouth about Shepard's presence on the Citadel. At least not directly.

That is what worried the Turian. The Citadel is a huge place with eyes and ears _everywhere_. It didn't help that the majority of the Shadow Broker agents gathered most of their information on the Citadel. Even though Garrus was sure no one was present in that hallway with his confrontation with Alenko, there still could have been an eavesdropper anywhere out of his line of sight.

_Now's a little too late to doubt the safety of hiding within the Citadel. What was it? Hiding within a crowd is the best hiding strategy?_

Garrus shook off his thoughts and glanced at the clock across the kitchen counter. Morning would be approaching fast, he couldn't sleep a wink, as he's heard human's say.

Sighing, he glanced at Shepard's door, hoping she would come out, sober and back in her Commander mode. Then she could help him figure out what to do.

Stretching his thin, but muscular arms and legs, Garrus crossed from the kitchen to the living room and collapsed on the nearest couch. He didn't feel tired, but his body felt heavy and lousy.

Then the dreaded question that's been keeping him up all night pacing slowly crept back into his skull: should he tell Shepard about Alenko?

Last night she couldn't recognize him, luckily. But could Shepard remember anything? If she did then she'd realize she was with Alenko and frankly he had no idea how she'd react. Regardless of her reaction, however, it can't be good.

Garrus slumped forward so he rested his forearms on his knees and hung his head.

_Worst thing of everything is that she's returning to her old habits. Here I thought if I took Shepard away from that kind of environment she would return to normal. Why did she go back to doing that?_

A hand touched his shoulder, and by instinct, Garrus swiped his arm upwards in an arc and immediately regretted his action when he looked up.

10101

Groggy from the hangover, despite a cold shower, Shepard saw Garrus' uncovered arm swing at her offending arm, but she was too slow to move back in time to avoid his talons sliding across her arm.

"Shepard!"

Garrus was immediately on his feet and at her side.

Smiling, Shepard waved the Turian away as she wrapped the towel she was previously using to dry her hair around her bleeding arm.

"Good morning to you too, Garrus," the ex-Spectre mumbled.. The slash wasn't severe, she's suffered much worse, it would require just a touch of medi-gel and she'd be fine.

Garrus' usual small blue eyes were double their size and he frantically searched for his discarded gloves. By the time he found them Shepard had already helped herself to the medi-gel dispenser inside the kitchen.

Her small wound immediately ceased to sting as she rubbed the medicinal gel onto it. "Ta da."

Garrus' eyes narrowed, a Turian's way of frowning, not understanding the phrase, but still analyzed her arm.

Shepard chuckled. "I'm fine, Garrus. We both know I've endured _much_ worse."

The frown didn't leave the Turian's face. "Yeah but none of your past injuries were caused by me."

Immediately sensing his guilt, Shepard's smile faded. She noticed quite some time ago how sensitive Garrus had become about accidentally hurting her with his talons. Was it because of the scars on her back? They never discussed it, but if he was afraid to hurt her then he must know how she received said scars.

"Oh Garrus," Shepard began. Her throat was dry and the constant throb in her head was coming back with a vengeance. "It was an accident and I'm fine. I shouldn't have scared you like that."

Truth be told, Shepard wasn't expecting to see Garrus. She couldn't help but feel nervous, she didn't know if he arrived just now when she was asleep or…

Her anxiety was quickly extinguished and replaced with guilt. She'd _really _hate herself if Garrus returned and found her drunk off her ass.

_Is that why he looked so upset?_

Shepard felt worse and the pounding in her head increased tenfold. She couldn't think, she needed caffeine, now.

"That's no excuse." Garrus continued. He kept his eyes on Shepard as she quickly rummaged through the kitchen.

After a quiet moment, and her beloved caffeinated drink in hand, Shepard waved Garrus' comment aside as she sipped from a mug. "I said don't worry about it, and quit beating yourself up over it. As many times as I've nearly gotten you killed this is nothing."

Her taller friend's eyes brightened, his facial structure couldn't allow him to grin, but a small chuckle escaped him. Another moment passed and he sighed, placing himself on a seat and motioned Shepard to the other one across the table from him. "We need to talk."

Dread stabbed at Shepard's chest and she nearly dropped her mug, her wide, cyan eyes stared at Garrus as if he had suddenly transformed into a two headed krogan wearing a bikini.

_He's going to kick me out. I _knew _this would happen! I've become a burden to him._

Garrus' eyes narrowed and his head tilted to the side. "Shepard? Are you alright?"

The woman blinked. She slowly realized her palm was beginning to hurt from the heat emanating from the mug. Placing her drink on the table and slowly sitting down, Shepard kept her gaze downward, unable to look at her friend in the eyes.

"Shepard? What happened?"

The former Alliance soldier finally opened her mouth. "You want to kick me out, right?"

Garrus' eyes doubled again. "Whoa, what gave you that idea? I only said we needed to talk!"

Shepard frowned. "When you say 'we need to talk' that's a foreshadowing of bad news."

"What?" The alien's mouth stayed open, too confused to form any words. Finally, he collected his wits. "You humans and your double meanings! I said we need to talk because, well I want to talk to you. I don't want to kick you out!"

It was now the human's turn to look confused. Soon, her eyebrows relaxed and she allowed herself to inhale deeply. Her cheeks began to burn. "Sorry," she allowed a weak smile to grow on her face. "Old habits die hard."

"Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about." Garrus shifted in his seat. "I, uh, well I arrived last night."

Shepard felt her heart beat faster and a falling feeling sensation grew in her gut.

"Shepard, why do you drown yourself in alcohol?"

The former soldier lowered her gaze and began to stare at her mug.

"I just…well I thought you mostly did that because you were on Omega. I thought that lifestyle engulfed you. I thought getting you out of there and somewhere better would make you…I don't know. I thought you'd get better."

_I wasn't really expecting him to ask that, but he deserves an explanation. _

10101

Shepard didn't say anything for a while. Garrus didn't know if she refused to answer or if she was thinking of an explanation. When he was about to apologize for intruding she finally broke the silence.

"I," she slowly lifted her face so she could look into Garrus' blue eyes. "I think about things. I remember things."

Garrus frowned, not understanding her explanation at all.

Shepard took a small sip from her mug before continuing. "There are certain memories that don't sit well with me. I hate the way they make me feel. I'm powerless against them, and I…well when I 'drown' myself I stop thinking about those things. I stop feeling bad too. And I can sleep without dreaming."

"What's wrong with dreams?"

The woman licked her lips. "All day I'm constantly remembering and thinking. When I'm sleeping my brain always conjures up these what ifs. I dream about things if they were different."

Cyan eyes began to appear glossy, but Shepard refused to shed a tear in front of Garrus. "I dream about her, Garrus. I dream about…how things would be if she were alive."

Shepard tore her eyes away and began to stare at the floor. She didn't have to look at Garrus' face to know that he didn't understand whom she was referring to, so she elaborated.

"In my dreams…I always see a girl," Shepard practically whispered. Her throat tightened, but she forced her voice to remain smooth. "It's possible…that I was going to have a daughter," she paused and chuckled. "She looked so much like Kaiden. She only had my eyes."

Garrus felt like he had been shot up by that gun ship again. His blood felt cold as it coursed through his body, he could hear his heartbeat, and he couldn't move his body. Shepard's face was stiff, emotionless, but he could somehow see the pain in her eyes. Seeing her in so much pain made him hurt too. Hurt and angry. He noticed her tight grip on her mug, she was squeezing it so tight the skin of her knuckles were changing color.

Shepard forced her throat to down several gulps of the hot liquid, she needed the pain to distract her. Her throat and tongue swelled and seared, but she forced herself to continue speaking, but she spoke much slower and her voice rasped. "_That's _the only reason I agreed to work with Cerberus. When I originally refused to join them Miranda showed me some information about the Lazarus Project, she gave me a reason to hunt the Collectors. Stopping the Collectors was avenging her, and I didn't want anyone else to suffer the same way I have. Whether it was losing a family, friends or their children. That drove me and kept the memories at bay. I was too busy to think and remember. But," she motioned to everything in the apartment, "when we defeated them, and without the Council or Alliance on my side I no longer had a purpose."

She stood up suddenly and began to pace, the now empty mug in her hand nearly cracking from the force of her grip. "All my life Garrus, I've been in the military. Well most of it anyway. It's all I know, all I can do. Mercenary work was different, it went against everything I've stood against. Without the military…" Her free hand reached for her Alliance dog tags she kept around her neck. Ever since Liara had returned them she never took them off. When she wore them she felt like she was still part of the Alliance.

Garrus stood as well, his mouth open to say something, _anything_, but he couldn't think of a damn thing to say. He never was a man of words. Well Turian's in general never were a race of words, they were a race of discipline and honor. But how could he use discipline and honor to make Shepard feel better?

Sighing silently, the only thing Garrus could do was place his gloved hand on Shepard's shoulder. Her body never tensed at his touch, it only slumped, seemingly accepting his contact. As quickly as he could blink, Shepard spun and grabbed Garrus in a fierce hug, her face buried in the folds of his armor.

Not fully knowing how to embrace her, he was terrified of hurting her despite the fact that his hands were covered, he awkwardly placed the palms of his hands on her shoulder blades.

They stood still for what felt like hours. Garrus didn't want to be rude and pull away from the hug, he simply waited for Shepard to make the first move. As he waited, however, he suddenly became aware of how her body felt against his. She felt warm, very soft, and he could smell the cherry blossom fragrance on her still wet hair. They've hugged before, sometimes Shepard would pull him _very_ intimately against her when she's been drunk, but this was the first time he's never fought against her touch.

Shepard was hurting, and he wanted nothing more but to take it away. He owed her that much at least. But he, too, was powerless. And he hated himself for it.

Finally, Shepard pulled away from the embrace, but before she placed too much distance between them, she stood on the tips of her toes and pressed her lips on Garrus' scarred jaw.

The feel of her lips on his jaw was not something he had felt before. As quick as the kiss was, it tickled slightly and he could smell the coffee from her breath.

"You're too good to me, Garrus." Shepard smiled as she stood on the heels of her feet again.

Hearing those words brought memories of the previous night back into Garrus' head. Shepard had said the exact same thing in Dark Star. He was too engrossed in his memory to notice Shepard had moved to the large window in the room next the kitchen, her gaze watching the many cars flying past.

"You treat me better than men do with their wives," Shepard announced. Her tongue and throat felt raw from being forced to swallow hot coffee.

Garrus shrugged. "I wouldn't say that."

"You let me move into this beautiful apartment with you and don't charge rent and put food on the table." The woman turned to face him, "and you never ask for anything in return."

Not knowing what to say, Garrus merely shrugged again. "It's no different than staying aboard the Normandy and always getting new armor and weapons, all free of charge."

Shepard laughed softly and shook her head. "You and everyone else paid for all of that with your lives. Helping me chase a deadly foe no one believes in." She sighed and collapsed on the couch. "Thank you, Garrus." She rubbed her eyes again. "For everything."

The Turian nodded. Watching a defeated Shepard was still something he wasn't used to seeing. And he still kicked himself mentally for not having any way to make her feel better. How many times had she consoled him when he felt guilty about losing his whole team on Omega? Plenty. She always knew what to say to make him feel better, to believe in himself again. She was always there to pick him up whenever he started to fall down the wrong path.

_Damnit, why can't I do the same for her? _

He stepped forward, his hand reaching out for her again, but his Omni tool suddenly emitted a sound.

Mentally groaning, Garrus hoped it wasn't a message from the Council. He couldn't abandon Shepard again, not after what she confessed. He'd be distracted and too worried about her to concentrate on work.

A few things were touched on the omni tool and a friendly voice spoke through.

"Hey Garrus, I finally fixed that computer problem you were having. You won't have to worry about it again."

Garrus inhaled deeply before letting it out slowly. Finally, some good news. "Thanks, Kat."

Hearing the woman's voice, Shepard lifted her gaze with one eyebrow raised. "Computer problems?"

The taller alien nodded. "Yeah, remember our little problem? How every security DNA scanner identifies you as someone who's dead? Someone who can't possibly still be alive and kicking."

Garrus felt his heart leap as he watched a full, honest smile grow on Shepard's pale face. "You didn't!" She exclaimed and attacked him, her arms wrapped around his torso and squeezing with such force he swore he heard his armor crack.

Again, he didn't know what to do. Should he hug her back? Or should he just stand there until she broke the embrace? Luckily, Shepard pulled away before he had a chance to do anything.

"This is great, it wasn't easy trying to get around the Citadel without going through a security check point. Half the time I wished I had Kasumi's cloaking ability."

Garrus was pulled away from what Shepard was saying when he heard his Omni tool beep again. This time it was a written message, and his eyes widened, it was from the Council. He really didn't need another mission right now!

His heart threatened to burst out of his chest as he opened and read the message. He closed his eyes in disbelief, he was needed again. The Council had given him a lead of the latest group of criminals he was in charge of tracking down. He opened his eyes and felt his stomach fall.

Shepard was pacing in circles in front of him, the smile still on her face and she was still rambling about the things she could do now that her DNA identity had been hacked. Garrus honestly couldn't remember the last time she smiled. No, wait, he did. She would only smile whenever she spent time with Alenko.

_I can't leave her behind again. Especially with Alenko here on the Citadel. Sure, it's a massive place, but I know they'll run into each other again if I leave. _

Shepard had finally realized the silence from Garrus. She paused in mid sentence and glanced back at him. "Garrus?"

The Turian looked up, his eyes brightened in reply. "Hey, Shepard. How about we go on a vacation? Someplace different than here. A place with a beach perhaps?"

Garrus was rewarded with another smile and another fierce hug.

10101

Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko sat, squirming, in his seat. He was nervous and a migraine was threatening to creep up his skull. He glanced at his watch and cursed under his breath. He should have been contacted by now.

As if on cue, the computer before Kaidan flickered to life and revealed a man's face, well most of it, his face was mostly concealed under a hood.

"Staff Commander Alenko, I hear you're in need of the Shadow Broker's service."

Kaidan took a deep breath. He hated himself for resorting to paying for the Shadow Broker's service, but there was something he _needed_ to know.

"I need information about Cerberus and Commander Jane Shepard."

The man on the screen smiled. "Of course. However, such information will be-"

"Credits is not an issue," Kaidan interrupted. "Cerberus brought Commander Shepard back from the dead. What I need to know is very specific, I want the report of Shepard's condition before and after she was revived."

101010101

A/N: Well, let me start off by saying *gets down on knees and palms with forehead touching the floor* please forgive me for taking so long to update! The evil influence of Bungie forums got me obsessed with achievement hunting on Halo ODST. Then I got addicted to Red Dead Redemption, then I got addicted to StarCraft II. Oh and also someone's [cough]halofangirl117[cough] constant nagging to update scared my writing muse away, but everything is all peachy keen now that my muse filed a restraining order on that person. Chapter releases will return to normal =)


	6. Don't Leave Me Behind

Not Alone

Chapter VI "Don't Leave Me Behind"

Disclaimer: Mass Effect 2 belongs to BioWare.

I'm losing light in myself,

Come back into me, 'cause only you can save me.

I belong with you now,

Oh please give in to me,

And stay forever,

Don't leave me behind.

- We Are The Fallen "Don't Leave Me Behind"

101010101

What was it about Shepard that he couldn't say no? Whether she was in her Commander Mode, her biotic intimidation, her smooth charm, or her newest technique: an enlargement of her eyes and the most sad expression ever to grace anyone's face, Garrus was one of many that couldn't refuse.

Just thinking about her saddened face and how quickly she was to recover when he gave in made him slump his shoulders and let a sigh escape. The memory of the event was still fresh in his mind…

101

Their hotel room was a lot bigger than Garrus anticipated, but thankfully there were two beds. A young human brought their bags to their room and left faster than Garrus could blink when he paid the kid his tip.

Shepard was nearly tearing the curtains off their hooks as she shoved them away from the window with a wave of her glowing arm. She gasped as she watched the scenery through the window, the setting sun created an orange glow that penetrated the room. When she slid the window open a cool breeze snuck into the room, the smell of the ocean strong for Garrus' nose, he could _taste_ the saltwater.

Garrus took that opportunity to sneak a glance at his Omni tool, he still needed to get in contact with his sources at their location. He hated to leave Shepard so soon after arriving, but the quicker he was done the faster he could go about his vacation with her. They both had some time to settle and grab a bite to eat before he would have to leave.

Turning off his Omni tool, Garrus was suddenly staring at something large and blue when he looked up. Taking a step back and allowing his eyes to adjust to what was shoved in his face he couldn't help but turn his head slightly to the side. He couldn't identify what Shepard held out to him.

A wide grin was plastered on Shepard's pale face, her arms were still outstretched with whatever it was she was holding. Watching her smile so widely brought butterflies in Garrus' stomach, it was so rare to see her smile that whenever she did smile his stomach always twisted and fluttered.

"I uh," Shepard lowered her arms slightly, and she shifted her gaze downwards, her cheeks reddening a pale shade. "I know this is _nothing_ to repay you for everything, but when I saw this at the gift shop in the lobby I couldn't help but buy it for you."

Garrus studied the object more. It was a large cloth with a flower pattern, the cloth itself was blue and the flowers white. Upon closer inspection he noticed the sleeves, buttons, and collar. His throat fell to his stomach and he paled. It was _the_ most hideous shirt he's ever laid his eyes on.

Shepard was oblivious to his facial expression, but her smile faded and her eyebrows knotted when Garrus stayed silent. "What? Don't you like it?"

The turian lifted his hands up in an innocent gesture. He hated the shirt, but he couldn't bring himself to say so. "It's…ah, how do I say this? It's…very unusual."

Her disappointed expression turned to hurt and she lowered the shirt, her eyes drifting downward. Garrus immediately hated himself. "But…this is a type of shirt men wear when they're on vacation! When they wear this bad boy it's official that they're going to have a good time. I even picked out this blue one so it could match your facial paint."

Garrus was awestruck and at a loss of what to say or do. He wanted to take the shirt to bring that smile back to Shepard's face, he could honestly admit to himself that he was addicted to seeing her smile, but his body still refused to reach out for that monstrosity.

He didn't think it was possible, but Shepard's face worsened and he _really_ hated himself for making her look so sad. Seeing her in such a state was more torturous than his trip to the Normandy after he was shot up by that Airship. Sighing, he mentally waved a white flag, and he could suddenly _feel_ every turian ever to exist frown at him for surrendering.

"Okay, Shepard," Garrus began slowly. He offered the best smile a turian could form and he held out his hand. "I'm sorry I hesitated, I just…never saw such a shirt before. I thought it was a table cloth." That wasn't a total lie, he thought.

The sorrowful expression on Shepard's face instantly melted away and that smile Garrus grew to love reappeared. She was suddenly inches away from him and engulfed him in a quick hug.

Garrus nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Shepard's strong hands suddenly tearing at his own shirt, he could see several buttons popping free in every direction. He didn't have time to register the feeling of embarrassment from standing in front of her half nude because, as quickly as she was to strip him, he was suddenly sporting the blue and white shirt.

All he could do was blink for a moment. He looked down, saw him clad in the tackiest shirt ever to touch his skin, and looked up, watching Shepard's smile grow even more. He sighed again, so long as wearing the thing kept her happy then he'd wear one every day if he had to. Although he severely hoped and wished and prayed it wouldn't come down to that.

Shepard clapped her hands together, squealed, and jumped on the balls of her feet.

Garrus blinked again, he honestly didn't know if he was dreaming or hallucinating. He pinched himself, but when he failed to awaken in a different room he slowly began to accept that he wasn't dreaming.

"Oh, you look so cute, Garrus!"

The turian winced.

_Yeah, that's what every _male_ turian wants to hear._

101

Garrus was still in an hour long battle with the top button of his "Hawaiian shirt" (as Shepard called it) . If the button was clasped the neckline of the shirt pressed uncomfortably onto his throat, but if he left the button undone the shirt parted too widely and showed off too much of his chest.

_How in the _hell_ can human males stand to wear these things? _

The turian raced down his fifth set of stairs and had to stop midway and step backwards, his attention on the mirror he just passed. Glaring into the mirror, Garrus pulled at his shirt again. Due to the shirt being so large, and with a turian's wide chest cavity, the shirt made him look fat. The wideness of the shirt felt somewhat comfortable, but he'd take back the standard form fitting clothes in a heart beat.

_You have a job to do Vakarian, get to it before your contacts get away._

It hadn't been easy, but Garrus was able to find out the location of an underground gambling event that took place once a month at the hotel resort, and he was very lucky to have arrived on Trident on that very day. His sources, and perhaps the very criminals he was tracking, would no doubt be found at that event.

Thankfully the occasion took place during the late evening and early morning, and from the long trip and filling meal an exhausted Shepard passed out once she and Garrus had returned to their room to unpack.

Garrus felt stupid for not remembering to change into a less ridiculous looking shirt before he sought out for some information, but perhaps his shirt would make him less suspicious.

_Honestly, like anyone will suspect me of being a Spectre in this thing._

10101

Bored, and feeling a little pissed off, Shepard continued to create bubbles in her drink by blowing into her straw.

She was so eager to teach Garrus how to surf, even though it had been _years_ since she last surfed herself, she could remember her family trips to the beaches on Mindoir all too well. But when Garrus warned her he didn't even know how to swim she offered to teach him how to swim too, but once they arrived at the beach he had to answer a call from the Council.

Shepard was able to tan, at least, and she no longer looked so terribly pale. She thought about going into the water by herself and test out her balance on the board she rented, but doing so alone made her feel self conscious. There were dozens of people around her, most of them human, and they were all clustered together, families, couples, groups of friends. She was the _only_ one alone. She regretted not bringing a book so she could at least look busy.

Just as she decided to call it a day, despite the sun still being high in the sky, her environmental awareness kicked in and she dodged out of the path of a small, circular ball that was hurling straight for her face.

Shepard picked up the offending object, it was successful in knocking over her surf board, and she noticed someone jogging towards her.

A young man, leanly muscular with a dark tan and blonde hair, approached. His hair was wet with sweat and clumps of sand collected on different areas on his body and face. He smiled at Shepard, his breath escaping in pants. "I'm really sorry about that, miss. Were you hurt?"

The ex-Spectre returned the man's smile. He looked to be no older than she, perhaps a few years younger, and he spoke with a different dialect. She tossed the volleyball at the guy, and couldn't help to put in a little extra biotic strength into the throw, which nearly knocked the man on his rear end. "Not at all."

Impressed with her strength, the human looked at Shepard for a moment then glanced behind her. He noticed her single towel and drink under a large umbrella and seemed to figure out she was alone. He offered Shepard his hand, which she accepted. "I'm Mike."

"Jean." Shepard replied. She was at a loss of what fake name to conjure, and she couldn't remember if that was her name under her fake bio-identity.

After their handshake, Mike glanced over his shoulder, a group of people were impatiently waiting for his return with the ball.

"Listen," Mike said suddenly as Shepard was stepping back towards the shade of her umbrella. "We're short a person, one of our ladies twisted her ankle. If you can hit this ball as hard as you can throw it, we could definitely use you on our team. What'ya say?"

Shepard was silent, she clearly wasn't expecting such kindness from a stranger. She glanced at the hotel, searching for any sign of Garrus. When she found none, she turned to face Mike. He lifted his arms to either side of his torso, as if waiting to embrace her.

It couldn't hurt to play with a group of strangers if they were as nice as this Mike guy. Hell she's recruited mere strangers to aid her in suicide missions. Smiling, Shepard nodded and followed the young man.

10101

Garrus had never felt so panicked before. No, scratch that, the last time he panicked was when Shepard and Kaidan shoved him in an escape pod and he had to watch the Collectors tear the first Normandy to shreds, and while knowing Shepard was still onboard. Or when he panicked when the platform he stood on after defeating the human Reaper collapsed and if not for Shepard's quick reflexes he would've suffered a _very_ long fall.

Long, easy breaths, the turian told himself. Just because he searched the beach nearly four times and still hadn't found any sign of Shepard didn't mean anything was wrong. Perhaps she went back to the room? That made sense, considering how long he left her alone. He mentally cursed the Council. They had the nerve to call him then make him wait as they had "some other matter to attend to first". And he thought working as a Spectre meant he would be free of any bosses breathing down his neck.

Garrus turned to head back towards the hotel building, but he had to be careful not to collide into a waitress. The woman juggled with a tray full of drinks, each small glass filled with none other than ryncol. Seeing that drink brought more guilt down onto his shoulders.

A sudden, hard object collided with the back of his head. By instinct, Garrus reached his arm out to grab onto anything to keep his balance, unfortunately he grabbed onto the waitress' left breast. The woman screeched and proceeded to use her tray as a makeshift weapon.

Glass and ryncol rained down on the alien, he apologized to the woman and pulled his hand back as if he had touched something that boiled the skin on his fingers. Despite the woman's small frame, years of holding onto heavy drinks must've worked out her arm muscles for every swing she took with the tray Garrus could've sword he felt a piece of his cybernetic jaw chip off.

What felt like minutes, the woman finally ceased striking Garrus. With a slight hesitance, he cracked an eyelid open. His chest tightened. Between him and the turned homicidal waitress stood Shepard. She held the waitress' tray between her arm and waist, her other arm wrapped around the woman's shoulders. Garrus could only hear so much Shepard was saying, the crowd that had been watching them were laughing. Shepard slipped some credits into the waitress' hand, handed the woman her tray and waved her off.

Despite his public humiliation, Garrus couldn't help but smile. He had to hand it to his commander, she seemed to have a Garrus-is-in-trouble sense. It didn't matter if he was injured, separated from the group, or dangling from a high elevation Shepard _always_ had the best timing to bail him out of trouble. Sure, having to be saved by a human, a woman no less, did dent the ego just a bit. But Garrus had grown to respect Shepard too much to let his ego hinder that.

"You certainly know how to make an entrance."

Garrus blinked and realized Shepard was inches from him, her cheeks flushed, and droplets of water and sand clinging onto her face, hair and neck. His first thoughts were, was she drinking and rolled in the sand? But that wouldn't explain the water either. Then the death glare she directed at him finally dawned on him. She pulled on his arm, leading him through the crowded beach.

The silence between them was torture for Garrus. He wanted to apologize for leaving her alone for nearly the whole day, but due to the panic and humiliation he endured within a five minute span he felt a little emotionally drained to properly apologize. He quickly took deep breaths, hoping he could settle his pounding heart and think of something to say once they stopped walking.

"I'll have the signature drink of the day, and he'll take your strongest dextro drink."

Garrus thought of objecting to the choice of drink Shepard picked out for him, but the waiter immediately departed. He watched Shepard avoid his direction, she quietly pulled a black and red towel out from under the sand, shook it, and laid it carefully under an umbrella. Once she sat on top of it, she placed a large wooden plank on her lap and swept the sand off of its surface.

His throat sank to his stomach. He forgot Shepard wanted to show him how to surf. She admitted it was a favorite hobby of hers when she lived on Mindoir. It was a hobby she couldn't continue practicing with her busy active duty in the Alliance. And saving organic life. Twice.

Shepard still refused to say anything, she now held a small bar in her hand and stroked it along the surf board's surface.

"Shepard," Garrus whispered, he knew it was a mistake saying her infamous name aloud, but he _needed_ her to look at him. She stopped her stroking for a quick moment, but then continued on again.

Sighing, Garrus took a seat next to her. "I promised you a vacation, and I'm sorry for leaving you."

Still avoiding his gaze, the ex-Spectre began exerting more strength into her strokes.

Garrus didn't know what else to say. He couldn't promise this wouldn't happen again. He debated on telling her the truth, but before he could say anything the waiter had shown up with their drinks.

Shepard carefully put her over waxed surf board aside and eagerly accepted her drink. Garrus handed the human male his owed credits and ordered a second round. He hoped the drinks would enlighten Shepard just a little. Of course he knew not to fill Shepard with too much alcohol. But judging by how strange her drink looked, the cup was brown, _hairy_, and wide, and the smallest umbrella he's ever seen next to the straw. A queer drink like that couldn't be strong to get her drunk with two servings.

Her cyan eyes were narrow, her lips pouting, and she was blowing bubbles into her drink. Garrus squashed the urge to laugh at her expression, if he angered her even more she'd probably use her biotics to toss him into the ocean and tie him up with seaweed. No, he thought as he sipped at his drink, he didn't want that at all.

Nothing more was said between the two, Shepard continued making bubbles and Garrus noticed something odd with his straw. The drinking utensil was covered in some sort of paste. He sniffed it, but couldn't identify what it was. He stirred his drink, assuming the paste would dissolve in his drink.

In the corner of his eye he noticed Shepard pulled her own straw out of her drink and licked it.

_Must be a human thing_.

Mentally shrugging, Garrus mimicked Shepard's action and slid his straw along his tongue. The paste was certainly pleasant, it was sweet, but very thick. The more he tried to knead the paste in his mouth the worse it clung to his upper palate. He tried using his tongue to sweep the paste off, but the round, smoothness of his tongue failed to clear his palate.

Shepard stopped blowing into her straw, did she just hear that? No, she thought, it had to be her imagination. She stared into her drink, guilt now creeping into her stomach. It wasn't right for her to give Garrus the silent treatment. She was once in his shoes, she knew how troublesome the Council could be with their timing.

"Garrus, I," she paused, she _clearly_ heard it that time. She watched Garrus with an eyebrow arched and a small smile twitching in the corner of her mouth. Garrus didn't pay her any heed, he continued making _that_ noise. Soon, Shepard exploded in laughter.

The turian frowned, though his stomach flipped upon hearing Shepard laugh.

"Wow, Garrus." Shepard grinned, turning herself so she faced her friend. "Are you seriously purring at me?"

Not knowing what the word purr meant, Garrus still couldn't stop himself from trying to rid of the persistent paste in his mouth. He had been scraping his tongue against it furiously, but to no avail.

Shepard fell into another laughing fit. If Garrus could only know _what_ he was doing to make her laugh like that, then he knew how to lift her spirits up whenever she suffered one of her depression spells.

"The purr is cute and all, but if you start rubbing yourself on my leg I draw the line there."

_What in the hell is she talking about?_

Clearly now very frustrated, Garrus stuck his finger into his mouth, something he should've done in the first place. By the time he finally freed his palate from the wrath of the thick paste, he finally became aware that Shepard was laughing at him. He felt no annoyance or anger, just seeing her with a smile again neutralized any hostility emotions within him.

"What's a purr?" He asked as he sought a place to clean his finger with. He would hate to throw the sweet paste away, but he didn't want to get it stuck on his palate again either.

Shepard's laugh settled into a gentle chuckle. She wet her throat with a sip of her drink before replying, "you don't know what a purr is?"

Garrus shook his head, his tongue still sliding along his palate. It still tasted sweet at least.

"That noise you were making," Shepard took another sip. She positioned herself so that she laid chest down on her towel. She glanced at Garrus and smiled. "It was cute. I didn't know turians could purr, but you do learn something new every day."

Still a bit confused, Garrus shrugged it off. "Whatever they have on the straw got stuck in my mouth. I was trying to get it off with my tongue."

Shepard giggled as she continued to nonchalantly sip her drink. She turned her attention to a small group of children building a sandcastle nearby. Her eyes softened as she watched them dump a bucket full of sand on what appeared to be their parents.

"I'm sorry." Garrus announced. "It isn't right that I-"

Shepard waved her hand at him. "Don't apologize. I know it isn't your fault."

The sun was beginning to settle, Garrus noted. It wouldn't be wise to be in the ocean in the dark. His lead has hit a wall, he now had the time to take Shepard to dinner and not have to worry about being interrupted again. And the hotel had an indoor pool, she could still teach him the basics of swimming in there. If she was still up to it.

"Do they want you to find someone here?" Shepard asked suddenly, her eyes analyzing everyone that surrounded them.

"Yeah," Garrus answered, "they knew I was here, and as my luck would have it there are some highly wanted criminals here." It was half the truth, but he still couldn't bring himself to confess.

"Oooh," the ex-Spectre smiled. "What are their crimes? Murder? Smuggling?"

Garrus shook his head. "Listen, can we…go elsewhere?"

Shepard face palmed herself. "Of course, I'm sorry." She felt stupid for not caring about their lack of privacy. Despite the large amount of people around them and the noise because of it, anyone could still eavesdrop on them. "There's this place I wanted to show you anyway, some new friends showed it to me earlier."

10101

The "hidden spot" as the locals called it, was a small clearing that was a short walk away from the hotel. The beach eventually connects to a mass of trees, and the tourists typically avoided the change of terrain, but the clearing Shepard took Garrus to had a good enough seclusion.

Shepard sat herself near the wet sand and stretched her legs out so the incoming waves could lap against them.

Garrus took his place next to her, but he sat with his legs folded under him, he still wore pants and he didn't want his lower clothes to get wet too. Being so close to the ocean was a mental slap in the face for his sense of scent, but he did his best to ignore it.

"You don't have to tell me about your mission, you know."

"It isn't anything too severe." Garrus began. "These criminals kidnap people and hold them for ransom. They have yet to harm any of their victims. They are just good at avoiding arrest."

"Is this their base of operations?"

"No, they only kidnap people of some peculiar importance. Politicians mostly, or their children or mates."

Shepard scoffed. "Typical. I bet their ransoms aren't light."

"Yes. And politicians prefer the ransoms to remain secretive, so you never see anything on the news. Everything is done so fast, the kidnapping, the paid ransom, and before we know it the victim is back with their family. Well, this last woman they kidnapped, she was a mate of some ambassador at the Citadel, she overheard one of the men. They mentioned Trident."

"So the Council send you here to investigate, right?"

Garrus felt his heart beat faster. "N-no, they were going to send another Spectre here, but when they heard I had planned to stay on Trident for a while they decided to pass the mission onto me."

Shepard giggled, then leaned against Garrus' shoulder. "Since we got here I noticed how you were always distracted, or how you'd sneak out of the room and not come back till early morning. You should've just told me instead of having to sneak behind my back."

Garrus felt himself at a loss of words. "But…I didn't, I don't know how…I mean…"

She giggled again. Funny how the sound of her voice was always beginning to make his stomach twist in knots. "I wouldn't have gotten mad at you. It's sweet that you wanted to bring me along. You didn't want to leave me behind."

Her voice was slurring slightly. The drink must've relaxed her, and the night breeze was warm.

_Oh just say it Vakarian._

"Shepard," he paused, his heart wouldn't stop beating so hard, he felt like a coward, "I don't like returning and finding you…like that. So I wanted to bring you with me, but even with you accompanying me I still leave you alone."

"It can't be helped." The biotic sighed. She leaned over further so that she could place her lips on the turians cheek. "Doesn't change the fact that you're still too good to me." She kissed his cheek.

Garrus felt a blush creeping, and he was thankful the sun had completely settled and the moon's light was mostly obscured by the trees behind them.

_Think of something to say you moron._

"It's getting late." He winced. Not the best line he wanted to say.

Shepard promptly agreed. She stood and stretched, the sounds of her bones cracking made Garrus wince again. Then a strange grumbling sound echoed louder than the waves crashing onto the beach.

The former soldier gripped her stomach. "Playing volleyball seems to have worked up an appetite."

Garrus jumped to his feet. "We can go to that restaurant I caught you drooling over when we arrived here."

Cyan eyes bugged. "What can I say? That place smelled like heaven!"

A chill ran down the turians spine. His shirt was still wet and reeked of ryncol. "Mind if we stop by the room first? I need to change into a different shirt." He severely hoped Shepard didn't have another Hawaiian shirt for him to wear.

"I need to change too. I can't walk into a restaurant sporting this bikini now can I?"

Garrus mentally slapped himself for not noticing Shepard's lack of clothes. She paused to stretch again, her back to him, and he felt his veins boil in anger when the moonlight exposed the harsh scars along her back. If he _ever_ found that turian that did that to her he'd-

"Garrus?"

Shaking his head clear of his thoughts, the turian briskly followed his commander back to the hotel.

10101

"You know, how about we just order room service and watch a movie?" Shepard suggested. Now dressed in pajama pants and a tank shirt, she lazily sprawled herself on her bed. "I'm too relaxed to leave."

Garrus didn't mind that idea. He wanted to shower to rid his senses of the smell of the alcohol. "I don't mind. I'm going to head into the shower though, so order whatever you want. And order me anything they have for turians." He stepped into the bathroom and immediately back tracked so he could poke his head out. "Oh and tell them to hold that sweet paste."

The warm water cascading down his body was bliss. Earlier a throb had been developing in his temples, courtesy of the stress of running into so many walls with his leads. He had been _so_ close to finding those men. Perhaps they were tipped off, or maybe he didn't do a good enough job to keep himself from seeming too suspicious. No, doubting himself like that would only make his headache stronger. The men got away and now it was his time to relax and enjoy a meal and movie with Shepard. He could worry about what the Council would say until tomorrow.

Garrus didn't mean to take so long in the shower, but the warm water just felt so good. The showerhead was capable of changing streams and pressure, and letting the massage stteam hit his head was slowly ebbing away the dull throb.

Headache eventually gone and body no longer reeking of ryncol, Garrus wasted no time in drying and dressing. Near the end of his shower he heard room service at the door. He didn't want to keep Shepard waiting.

The food smelled good, and caused his stomach to growl in response. But he frowned when he found no trace of Shepard in the room. A cart filled with food rested in the middle of the room, but where could she be? The balcony was empty. Passing the cart again, Garrus noticed a note. His heart fell to his stomach.

The note read:

_We have your girlfriend. You make any outside contact and we'll kill her. The room is bugged with video and audio. In one hour go to the pool room. We'll be waiting. _

101010101


	7. Missing

Not Alone

Chapter VII "Missing"

Disclaimer: Mass Effect 2 belongs to BioWare.

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't try for me, not now.

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone.

Isn't someone missing me?

- Evanescence "Missing"

101010101

Slowly, Shepard opened an eye, and promptly closed it when rays of light stabbed into her exposed eyeball painfully. She groaned and rolled onto her stomach. The consistent throbbing in her head threatened to split her skull open. Moving wasn't such a good idea either, she was beginning to feel nauseated.

_Is this a hangover?_

For the life of her she couldn't remember what happened the night before. Perhaps she did have a bit too much to drink. That realization made her groan again, she assumed Garrus must be disappointed in her again.

Her eyes eventually adjusted to the slow amount of light she exposed them to. Thirst was beginning to make its presence known over the pain in her head. She carefully sat up, moving was still making her feel even more dizzy. But she frowned when she took in the unfamiliar room. She wasn't in the hotel, and the carpet and walls were inconsistent with the rooms in Garrus' ship.

_Oh no._

Shepard could only assume she stayed the night with someone else. But if that were the case then she thought it was strange to see the bed she had been on looked undisturbed. She winced, thinking was only making her headache worse.

A door beside the bed had to lead to a bathroom. Once inside it, Shepard promptly turned the faucet's cold water on and dunked her head under the soothing stream. Her eyes closed and she moaned softly, very much enjoying the cold water temporarily decreasing the pain.

Another dull ache formed in the back of her neck and her thirst was kicking at her senses again. Reluctantly, she pulled her head out from the sink . Her hand cupped under the water stream and she reached to take a drink. But she noticed blotches of red against the white porcelain. A moment passed and the rushing water quickly pulled the red down the drain.

_Is that blood?_

Shepard felt along her head, mostly at the back of it where the pain was emanating from. When she pulled her fingers away and analyzed them her eyes widened, they had small traces of blood on them.

"What the hell?"

Everything wasn't making sense. She couldn't remember the night before too well, but small clumps of memories were coming back. She knew she was with Garrus. But if she were with him then she wouldn't have drunk herself to the point that she'd spend the night with someone else.

The more she thought about it she realized this room wasn't consistent with the hotel rooms either. The bed was made as well, but perhaps she fell and hit her head? Whoever she was to sleep with probably just dumped her on the bed and took off.

No, she looked down on herself and found she was in her pajamas. That helped her remember more of the night before. She was in the hotel room, she had changed into some clothes, was laying on the bed and began to feel lazy. She asked Garrus to order dinner via room service instead of going out.

The more she recalled the faster her heart began to beat. She remembered answering the door, she was hungry and the cart the worker brought in made her stomach growl even more. She wanted to tip the young man so she searched for some credits from her bag. Then everything went dark.

_Great. Just what I need._

Shepard finally found the small wound on her head, well she was able to feel it. It wasn't too severe, the blood around it was already dry. When she rinsed her head in the water it must've just cleaned the blood that had dried in her hair. Still, for such a small wound it caused one _hell _of a headache. Even touching it made it feel tender and brought more pain.

The shock of her displacement brought her to a near panic. Wherever she was, Garrus wasn't nearby. If he was he would've made his presence known somehow, a note or he'd be in the room pacing or something.

_He was investigating kidnappers._

Headache worsening, Shepard had to lay down, her arm draped over her eyes. The nausea was returning.

It was a very big possibility she had been kidnapped. Perhaps the criminals had their room bugged, that could be why they were always a step ahead of Garrus. Taking her would assure their safety off Trident and they'd make a profit too.

_Wait, what if they know who I really am?_

Clearly panicked, Shepard forced herself to ignore the pain and climbed onto her feet. Her weakened equilibrium hadn't stabilized yet, the sudden swift movement made her sway and she collided into the wall. Her head swam and her eyes were becoming sensitive to the light. Groaning, she slid onto the ground.

She heard a door hiss open. She rubbed at her watering eyes and forced them to tolerate the light. Two tall figures approached her.

Both of the figures were males, one human and the second a turian. Shepard noticed both wore nice, expensive looking clothing. It was a strange sight considering she was so used to seeing criminals garbed in the typical dirty, cheap armor. She also noticed their lack of weapons, unless they held them on their backs, but she highly doubted that. Guards normally prefer to expose their weapons, it creates a more intimidating appearance.

They also left the door open, which meant one of two things: One, they were stupid or new or both. Two, they were confident she would not try to escape. Either way Shepard was going to take advantage of her opportunity. She just willed her body to recover.

"Well, well," the human grinned, "so the sleepin' beauty has finally awakened, eh? It's about time."

Shepard crawled back to the bed, bringing her knees to her chest and hugging them. "Please, don't hurt me." She almost chuckled, but she was able to convert the noise into a frightened squeak.

The turian didn't look affected by her begging, but the human was. He stepped closer to Shepard and kneeled before her, his grin growing all the while.

"Don't worry baby, you play nice and you'll be back with your ugly boyfriend soon."

Shepard eyed the open door again and she squashed the urge to punch the pervert in the nose, she didn't like the way the turian kept his distance and his eye on her. She would have to make a break for it when he let his guard down.

The ex-Spectre cowered further away from the man, which earned an amused chuckle from him. "You have no idea how refreshin' it is for someone like you to be with us. For too long we've taken nothin' but ugly aliens. Even those blue tentacle freaks don't do it for me. But you," his hand reached for her thigh-.

"Xan." The turian finally spoke. His voice made the human's actions pause. With an irritating noise erupting from the back of his throat, the human stood and faced his partner.

"What is it? I'm doin' nothin' against the rules!" The human male, or Xan as the turian addressed him by, argued.

The turian shook his head. "You know damn well the boss forbids us to touch the merchandise. Breaking it causes too many problems."

"Screw you, ugly! I've been surrounded by you aliens for far too long, this hot babe is sitting on my lap and I'm takin' advantage-."

Shepard channeled as much energy as she could into herself, her arms glowed and she sent the two males hurling into the air and crashing into the far wall. She nearly toppled over herself as she forced herself to stand and run, but she ignored the complaints her body made. Only one thing was on her mind, escape.

10101

The hallway was void of any more guards, which seemed all too suspicious. There were also numerous doors, but most were closed and locked. Following the hallway eventually led Shepard into what she hoped was the center of the building. She found herself in a large clearing, the place was filled with closed, unmarked boxes and containers. The woman half wished she could search the lockers for weapons, but she didn't want to waste any time. There was only one other door, luckily it was open and appeared to lead to another hallway. Before she could reach it, however, she heard laughter.

Pausing mid step, the former soldier turned and found an asari standing in the middle of the room.

_Where was she hiding?_

The asari continued to laugh, so Shepard took that opportunity to send her hurling into the ceiling. The alien was faster, however, and extended her own glowing arm out and caught Shepard's biotic slam in a standstill.

Cancelling the attack, Shepard pulled a nearby crate and "tossed" it to the asari. The alien dodged, but quickly followed up by "throwing" Shepard into the wall. The impact was traumatizing against her already tender head and Shepard found herself having difficulty climbing back onto her feet. The ex-soldier reached for her pistol, and upon realizing she never had one she cursed. The asari sent another crate heading for her and she didn't have enough time to fully place a protective barrier in front of her, the impact of the object was still strong enough to send her sprawling onto the floor. Her head throbbed painfully, her vision swam and the sides of her eyes were darkening.

The asari stood over the woman, her face frozen in a smirk. "Did you _really_ think it would be that easy?" The alien laughed as she turned to pace about the room.

Even with hazy vision, Shepard was determined to exploit the alien's overconfidence of turning her back to her.

"I always give my prisoners a false opportunity to escape. Doing so allows me to analyze them, determine how to properly lock them up and prevent them from truly escaping." The blue biotic chuckled again as she stopped her pacing and turned to face the ex-Spectre. "Don't think you'll be able to escape just because you're a biotic. I'll have you know I've kidnapped plenty of asari's, even a matriarch. _They_ weren't able to escape. You can ponder about that as my men take you back to your room."

Heavy footsteps immediately echoed behind Shepard. Another set of two figures stood over her, reached for her arms and roughly pulled her up onto her feet. Another wave of dizziness struck her and she would've vomited if it weren't for her empty stomach.

The asari, whom Shepard assumed was the leader of her captors, turned her back again, her fingers tapping furiously onto her omni-tool.

Seeing her feeble opportunity, Shepard gathered everything left within her and pulled two boxes towards her. Both guards on either side of her immediately used their own biotic abilities to halt the attack, and Shepard quickly followed through by sending a shockwave to the nearest wall. The force punched a hole through the wall like a bowling ball thrown onto rice paper.

Chunks of the wall sprayed everywhere, Shepard didn't have to look to know that both the guards and the asari leader diverted their eyes to the new double door created for them. Her eyes were darkening, her head throbbing unbearably painfully, but she still forced herself to do one last thing.

10101

The asari gasped when she felt her body lift high into the air. She tried to use her own biotics to counter against the force acting on her body, but the shock of being caught off guard dampened her swiftness and efficiency with her abilities.

The oxygen in her lungs was violently crushed out when her body slammed onto the concrete floor. A small cry of pain escaped her throat, she _felt_ her ribs crack. Anger and adrenaline fueled her body and she climbed onto her feet without feeling anything more but a dull ache in her midsection. Her arms glowed with the concentration of energy she collected, but she immediately felt disappointed to see her captive already passed out.

The asari grinned, despite her unexpected humiliation of being slammed. For too long she's underestimated her prisoners and none of them rose to make her regret it. There certainly was something different about this human. And she had a good feeling about that.

She barely noticed the rest of her guards were in the room, some were already cleaning the mess, others were following the female human in case she tried something again. The ones that asked for her well being were quickly dismissed, but now that the adrenaline was fading from her system the dull ache in her abdomen were now becoming much more distracting. She'd have to visit an infirmary later. For now she needed to get to the cockpit of her ship.

101

The asari was immediately greeted by her crew, all of them a mixture of humans and turians. But she only addressed one of them, her intelligence emissary who's responsible for identifying their targets.

"Ma'am?"

"Our current captive, what's her name?"

The turian immediately typed into her computer and opened a file. "Her name is Miranda Halsey. "

The asari frowned. There was no reason to doubt anything, but that name didn't sit well with her stomach, and it wasn't the persistent ache in her ribs either. There was something about that human, something oddly familiar. She turned to walk away, but she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep unless she knew for sure why she felt like she knew that woman somehow.

"Run a facial recognition scan on her photo and compare it to every Alliance profile for female humans."

The turian looked perplexed, but she followed her order. "This may take a while ma'am."

The asari nodded. "Just let me know when you get something."

101

The asari leader didn't expect the search to take so long. She was able to stop by the infirmary for some medi-gel for her ribs, grabbed a bite at the mess hall, even personally went to check on the human, but she still hadn't awoken, and had just returned to her own room and still hadn't heard anything. She was tempted to chew out her intelligence emissary, but she knew doing so would not bring the system to confirm or deny her feeling.

"Ma'am, I've finally received the results on the woman we have onboard."

Standing, the alien felt her heart rate increase. "Yes, did her face match anyone else?"

The emissary was quiet for a moment before she finally said, "it's strange, ma'am, but this Miranda Halsey has a perfect match to _the_ Jane Shepard's facial structure."

So that's why the woman looked so familiar. Since the attack on the Citadel a few years ago, and with her supposed death and revival, the media had shoved everything and anything about _the_ Commander Jane Shepard down everyone's throats.

This was no strange coincidence.

She checked the time, there was still a few minutes until her ground team would meet with the turian Spectre. "Tell the ground unit to capture the Spectre instead. We can use _him_ as a ransom for the Council. But as forCommander Shepard," her mouth grew into a wide smile, "I'm sure there are quite a few people who would pay a _fortune_ to have her."

101010101

A/N: I originally planned for this chapter to cover a lot more material, but I felt if I truly stopped where I wanted to then the chapter may get near twenty pages or so. I really wanted to get this chapter out asap since xmas is a few minutes away and in a few hours I'll be in video game heaven =D and I know I may be a bit distracted playing them to work on the next part for the remainder of the week. Oh and no, Shepard wasn't thinking of Miranda from ME2 when she thought of a fake name, the name I used is merely my version of an "easter egg".


	8. Save Me

Not Alone

Chapter VIII "Save Me"

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to BioWare.

"Even when I fall will you still believe

Even when I'm lost will you still believe

Now I don't have much, will you save me

But I'll give it all, will you save me

I've made so many mistakes

And I've broken so many promises

I've searched inside and I'm empty

Will you save me

Will you save me"

-Killswitch Engage "Save Me"

101010101

Shepard was known, by the Alliance and enemies alike, to be very level headed and very intelligent. She was quick to read an opponent's fighting pattern and deduce an exploit. What she couldn't destroy with her accurate shooting she used her biotics. She wasn't the most powerful biotic, but she used them to her advantage. With these qualities as a soldier and a leader she not only rose in ranks in the Alliance and saved humanity twice, but she was also a formidable chess player.

But trap her in a small room, starve her, and make sure she has a headache, and this will yield a very frustrated Shepard. She assumed she had been locked up for no more than half a day, but it felt like a week had passed. When she was frustrated she became stubborn. When she's stubborn she loses her ability to analyze and find a weakness. In this case, Shepard couldn't find a way to break down a wall.

_I don't get it_, Shepard thought. During her small spat with the kidnappers' leader she was able to create new doors in the cargo room with her biotics. But she didn't have that same luck in her cell.

Hands glowing, Shepard threw another Shockwave at the wall. The energy was immediately absorbed like water to a sponge.

"I've captured daughters of asari Matriarchs. Do you really think you're the only one with biotics?" The kidnappers' leader's words still taunted Shepard.

If Shepard and two of her most trusted allies, Garrus and Tali, were able to destroy a human Reaper then damn it she should be able to break out of this room, biotic eating walls or not. Beads of sweat collected on her brows and the constant throbbing in her head slowly increased in intensity, but she still forced another Shockwave at another section of the wall. When the energy disappeared upon impact, Shepard threw her arms up in frustration and kicked at the wall, and then she cursed when her foot exploded in pain.

_Damn it, Shepard, think! There has to be a way out._

She should be looking if there were cameras or microphones hidden in her room, or at least see if she could blast open the vent that was directly above her bed. But, she became too stubborn and determined to punch a hole through the wall. Then she remembered when she recruited Jack. The woman concentrated a biotic field onto her fist and thusly was able to punch her way out of that prison. It couldn't hurt to try that method…

Fist glowing, Shepard fell into a sprint and put as much strength as she could muster into her fist and charged at the wall. Upon impact, the biotic glow was immediately sucked off her fist and she felt her knuckles bounce off the wall. Bursting into another curse storm, Shepard reluctantly took a moment to catch her breath and cradled her throbbing, reddening fist.

_Calm down, calm down_, Shepard told herself. She couldn't think if she was worked up. Okay, so the walls absorb biotics, but that didn't mean they couldn't be knocked down with natural force. The pain in her throbbing fist reminded her that she lacked the necessary force to break open a wall. The wall wasn't made of any type of stone, nor metal. It was breakable, if she found the proper force.

Shepard scanned the room, there had to be something she could use. Her eyes immediately rested on the only piece of furniture in the room, a bed. A small smile grew on her pale face. Finally, she was getting some plausible ideas to escape.

_See what happens when you remain calm and _think_?_

Shepard ignored the taunting voice in her head and got on her hands and knees to inspect the bed's footing. Her small smile grew bigger. The bed wasn't anchored to the floor. Shepard wondered if these people really were capable of capturing asari's or else they would've learned to either not give their prisoners furniture or at least anchor it to the floor. Then again even if the bed was anchored she'd still be able to dislodge the bed with biotics.

Well, it wasn't time to ponder why these criminals weren't as thorough as she'd thought. She didn't have much strength left in her after throwing everything she could at the walls earlier, but now that she had a decent idea how to get out, adrenaline shot through her system, and it helped ebb away the pain in her head and hand.

She eyed the bed, slamming it legs first onto the wall would do the most damage. Breathing in deeply, Shepard concentrated on lifting the bed. She was straining herself, exhaustion suddenly hit her body, but she kept her composure.

The bed flew into the wall at such a high velocity that it bounced off and nearly struck Shepard. The ex-Spectre's biotic control over the bed had already been absorbed upon impact, so it immediately fell onto the floor. Luckily, the bed was composed of metal and plastic, if it were wood then Shepard would have to be plucking wood splinters out of her face.

Upon close inspection of the wall, however, Shepard felt her heart leap when she spotted a medium sized crack. She'd be able to drill a hole yet. If she couldn't drill a hole, then the noise of her attempt alone would alert the guards and they would have to open the door. If they did, Shepard was more than ready to make her move. That familiar feeling of determination awake in her, the emotion soothed the fatigue and pain from her body and flushed it away. It had been too long since Shepard had felt this way.

She suddenly realized how much she missed it.

Her eyes narrowed and her arms glowed before the bed was lifted and hurled at the wall. This time, the bed punched a massive opening and knocked down the patrolling guards outside the room.

Unfortunately, the guards didn't have weapons on their persons. Forearms still glowing purple, Shepard stepped over their unconscious bodies and analyzed the area. She didn't need weapons to escape.

10101

Garrus felt a strange tremor, but he wasn't as alerted as the guards who were escorting him. He didn't have to think who was responsible for the disruption. The Turian shook his head; he never really thought Shepard would need to be rescued from these criminals.

Pain drilled into his eardrums and traveled up towards the back of his eyes. Nausea and vertigo swept over him and he found himself on the floor, his hands clutching at the sides of his face. He then became aware of a high pitched screech. Its source was unknown, but Garrus knew it was responsible for the pain.

Garrus thought it was strange that the guards weren't on the floor with him, so he forced himself to look up. The guards appeared to be unaffected by the noise. They had some sort of protection against the screech of the noise, but what? Then Garrus saw it. Their helmets covered their ears.

The guards looked at each other for a moment before ran away. Garrus couldn't properly hear what the guards said to each other, but they made the mistake of leaving him behind and unattended. Garrus forced himself back onto his feet and followed the direction the guards headed to. Standing was difficult, and walking was worse. Stumbling, and eventually falling, Garrus found it easier to crawl. Tears began to roll down his face. His head felt close to bursting. However, he mentally cursed when he found himself in the middle of a hall that forked into three more hallways. The guards were in neither of them and it was difficult to hear for anything due to the aggravating noise that still rung throughout that level.

The turian's blue eyes caught a glimpse of a shadow in the far right hall. Fighting through nausea, he pushed toward the movement. Once he reached a corner, he peeked and strained to listen to anything else besides that sound. There were no gunshots, but then the guards on this level were restricted from carrying firearms.

He fell back in surprise when a body suddenly hurled passed him and collided with the wall opposite of him. It was a guard. His heart fluttered with anticipation and he forced himself up and stepped out of his cover. Awe and admiration filled his senses, which thankfully dulled the pain in his head and ear canals, as he watched the familiar figure of Shepard knocking the second guard to the ceiling.

He fought the urge to charge and hug her. Judging by the sight of her she appeared unharmed. Relief inflated within him, he had been so worried these criminals would hurt Shepard, if they ever figured out who she truly was. Admiration for Shepard grew when he noticed she sported a guard helmet.

Garrus knew not to un-expectantly sneak up on Shepard. He knew all too well how she responded to people suddenly appearing near her in the middle of a battle. Following her lead, Garrus took the helmet from the unconscious guard at his feet and did his best to place it over his head. Once the helmet was in place, he felt the ear pieces adjust to his head, immediately the noise ceased.

His relief of seeing her unharmed, however, was quickly sucked out of him when he noticed Shepard lean against the wall. She was pale, the whites of her eyes were red, and she looked on the verge of collapsing. Injury be damned, he had to step in now.

"Shepard!" Garrus announced.

His sudden appearance indeed startled her and Garrus felt his stomach rise to his throat and his back exploded into pain when he was lifted to the ceiling. The breath in his lungs was forced out when he slammed into the ground. He groaned and fought the urge to sit up. Moving would only feed paranoia to Shepard and he didn't want to feel her heel on his windpipe.

Her tired eyes were set aflame when she glared down on him, but they narrowed and the hostility in her face was lifted after a moment. "Garrus?"

The turian held his hands palm up next to his face. "Yeah, it's me, Shepard." He gratefully took her offered hand, but his weight nearly pulled her down on top of him, so he pushed himself off the ground with his free hand.

"What are you doing here?" Shepard asked. Moments ago she looked on the verge of collapsing. Now, she looked ready to engage in a fist fight with a krogan.

Garrus sheepishly rubbed at the back of his head. "I came to get you." He glanced at the guards around them. "But I see I'm too late."

Shepard smiled. That smile made Garrus' knees weaken, he still didn't know why her smile had that effect on him. "Please tell me you already cleared out this place? Took out their leader?"

Garrus felt himself deflate like a balloon. "No, I came to negotiate your release. I paid their demand and they escorted me here."

Shepard suddenly pulled his arm and led him down the hall. "I'm assuming it was a trap?"

Garrus nodded, but felt stupid when he realized he was walking behind Shepard. "Yes, I knew it was a trap. They never bring their 'clients' to their ship. It's possible they were going to try to hold me hostage and set a ransom to the Council. But coming here was my best chance to get you out."

Shepard stopped suddenly. Garrus couldn't stop in time and walked right into her, but he caught her before she bounced off him. "Shepard?"

She turned to face him, her face looking puzzled. "Did you say ship?"

Garrus nodded.

The ex-Spectre rubbed her forehead. "I didn't think this was a ship. Are we already in space?"

Garrus nodded.

"Damn it!" She paced, paused, and then stalked up to Garrus again. "Did you get here by your ship or did they give you a ride from the hotel?"

"They blinded me from the hotel and they escorted me here."

Shepard leaned against the wall, a little too heavily Garrus noted. "This hampers my plan, then." She looked along the empty hallway. "They haven't sent more guards which means they probably locked this place down. If we take the lift no doubt they'll be waiting inside, with weapons."

"Their leader made the mistake of wanting me to see her face-to-face at the bridge as we negotiated your ransom," Garrus said, " I noticed a display screen with the emergency evacuation plan. This ship has three levels. Bottom is the holding level, which we're obviously on. The second is their living quarters, mess hall, and infirmary. The top floor is the bridge and escape pods."

Shepard nodded. "Then we head for those escape pods." She continued walking with that determined step of hers.

Garrus tried to stop her. Despite how she looked, he knew she was exhausted. If they stopped sending guards then they could take a moment to rest. "Shepard, wait!"

She ignored him. "I fully checked all the guards. They have no security cards, codes, or weapons. They have nothing. This means everything has to be controlled from the bridge."

Garrus shook his head. They defied against all kinds of odds numerous times before, but this time they had no supplies, no weapons, nothing but the clothes on their backs and helmets that protect them from that noise.

_Wait a minute._

"Shepard? Wait! I have an idea."

The woman finally stopped walking and turned to her companion. "What is it?"

"Did you notice if the guards had omni-tools?"

Shepard nodded, "they're password protected, of course."

"Give me ten minutes with one."

10101

Hacking into an omni-tool was easy. Sadly, the device didn't contain many functions other than a map and an emergency escape route.

Garrus nodded as he analyzed the ships layouts. The escape pods were indeed on the top floor.

"I wonder why they haven't sent more guards after us." Shepard wondered aloud. She sat on the floor next to Garrus, her knees to her chest.

Garrus kept his attention on the omni-tool. "The only means to escape from this floor is via the lift."

"No stairs?"

Garrus shook his head, his eyes never wavering from the tool on his arm. He was hoping he could find a hidden file or anything he could use, such as information on the ships route, the criminal's headquarters, anything that he could use to track them down once he and Shepard escaped.

If they escaped.

Garrus shook his head slightly as if to clear any feelings of doubt. He and Shepard _would_ find a way out.

"So if this ship were to be attacked by Collectors, everyone on this floor would die should the lift become nonoperational." Shepard stood and began to pace. Her sudden mention of the Collectors surprised Garrus. Ever since he found her on Omega she had avoided the subject of Collectors.

A fluttering sensation echoed in Garrus' chest. He watched Shepard closely now, he couldn't help but feel like the old Shepard was starting to resurface. "They would lose their prisoners. And the guards stationed here."

"What of the second floor?"

"What about them?" Garrus returned his attention to the omni-tool.

"You said that's where the living quarters are, right?"

Garrus nodded.

"How many rooms are in the living quarters?"

"Five."

Shepard squatted opposite of Garrus and peered into the small map that was displayed on the omni-tool. "There are guards and there's the ship crew. Two rooms, one for either gender. There's no telling how many beds can fit into those rooms."

Garrus finally stopped typing and looked up at Shepard. He noticed that determined look in her eyes again.

"We need to get to those escape pods," the ex-Spectre placed her finger on the omni-tool. "But the bridge will be well protected with the rest of the security force." She looked up and motioned to the unconscious guards that lay several feet from them. "They didn't have weapons because they trusted their speakers would handle any escapees, but I wouldn't doubt if the rest of the guards on the other levels are armed. This leaves us at a disadvantage."

Garrus nodded. "They'll have the lift guarded. So we're trapped."

Shepard's eyes narrowed and her fingers stroked her chin. "They won't hurt us, which is why they have this debilitating noise rather than arm their guards with weapons. Chances are they'll be ready to apprehend us again."

"So what do we do?" Garrus wasn't aware of his sudden backseat to Shepard until the words had already spilled from his mouth. He came to rescue _her_, but it didn't seem like she truly needed it.

"I'm willing to bet that the leader will want to see us face-to-face."

Garrus' eyes narrowed. "What makes you think that?"

The human shrugged. "I don't think she's had any prisoners escape the way I did. So I just think she'll want to talk to us."

The Turian shook his head. "Even if she does want to say a word or two, the guards will only capture us again. As you say, they won't hurt us. They won't do anything to damage the bounty they can collect on you."

Shepard's cyan eyes drilled into Garrus' steel blue. She didn't have to say a word or make any type of body gesture for the Turian to know what she was planning.

His eyes narrowed into slits. "I won't hold you hostage. _They_ will know that bluff."

The woman sighed. She was running out of ideas. She grabbed Garrus' arm and pulled it closer to her and studied over the ships layout.

"There!"

"Hmm?" Garrus looked to where to where the woman pointed, but he failed to see anything other than one of the bigger rooms in the living quarters.

"That has to be the leader's room. In case of an emergency there _has_ to be a private escape pod. Most ships have one for the captain's quarters."

Garrus shook his head. "Not all of them. And what if this one doesn't?"

Shepard was already on her feet, stretching and making some of her joints pop. Her mind was already set and Garrus knew it'd be hopeless to stop her. Sighing, he stood up as well and deactivated the omni-tool. He could find more information on it later.

"What if we find nothing on the second floor? What if it's guarded?" Garrus asked.

"I doubt it'd be as guarded as the bridge. If we do run into trouble let's hope they have weapons we can take and use if we have to break into the bridge."

Garrus sighed again. He really didn't like this plan. And he couldn't shake off the bad feeling that steadily grew in his abdomen.

10101

Garrus couldn't understand the luck that seemed to follow Shepard during situations like this. They both found the elevator unguarded, empty, and void of any cameras, but the same speakers that were on the prison floor were present.

Shepard stood in the center of the elevator while Garrus hid as best as he could to the side.

The doors opened and revealed a small squad of armed men and women. Shepard immediately raised her arms in surrender.

"Grab her!"

Garrus stepped out of his cover and tossed a helmet at the crowd. Arms glowing, Shepard used her biotics to grab the helmet and hurl it forward.

Surprised by the attack, one guard made the mistake of firing his weapon. Following suit, some of the other guards began to fire as well.

Garrus barely had enough time to pull Shepard towards him and use the side of the elevator for cover before her biotic shield disintegrated. He quickly looked over her and breathed easier when he found her unhurt.

"Stop your fire!" One guarded repeated until the squad finally ceased to shoot. "Cerberus wants Shepard alive!"

"Cerberus?" Garrus heard Shepard whisper. He too wondered what Cerberus would want with her, but now wasn't the time to think other than how to escape.

Suddenly, Shepard turned to him and muttered, "sorry, Garrus, but this may hurt a bit."

Before he could question her, he felt himself being lifted and thrown out of the lift and into the shocked firing crew. Thankfully, the all human squad cushioned his fall so he didn't feel any injuries.

Shepard was quick to pull Garrus to his feet and shoved a rifle into his arms.

"Quick!"

Garrus checked the rifle and found it had been unfired. He glanced up at Shepard and couldn't help that feeling of awe creeping within him again. What the woman lacked in skill she made up for it in luck. If they escaped he decided he'd forgive her for using him as her personal cannon ball.

Their luck didn't last, however. More guards filed into the hallways, blocking their path. Garrus managed to take down two men before he ran out of ammo. Shepard took down one with her pistol, so she resorted to throwing a shockwave into the remaining three. They were quick to pick up thermal clips from the fallen guards and continued pushing toward the living quarters.

Their second firefight came when they approached the mess hall. Guards waited behind overturned tables. Luckily, one man shouted for them to surrender. Shepard replied with a swift and very accurate shot to his head.

Angered by their superior's death, the rest of the squad returned fire, but Garrus quickly noticed their aim never rose above waist level. They were shooting to injure, not kill. Despite the extra clips they carried, they eventually ran dry of ammo again and there were still a good handful of guards alive.

Panic chilled his veins, but Garrus refused to give up. He had to come up with a plan. He peeked over his cover and found the guards reloading.

"Garrus, flank right!" Shepard whispered loud enough for him to hear.

He opened his mouth to argue he was out of ammo, but he came to learn to trust her plans. Finding another table to take cover behind, Garrus stood and fell into a sprint. Once he was exposed he kept his head low and moved his legs faster as he felt the fired shots lick passed his body.

Once he was behind safety, he looked behind him in time to see Shepard use the chairs around her as new cannon fodder. The chairs served only as a decoy again, and Shepard used more biotic based attacks to down the rest of the crew.

When the last man fell, Garrus raced to rid the injured or dead squad of their weapons and ammo. Now that the mess hall fell silent, he became aware of shouting in the distance behind them. Reinforcements were coming. They were close to the living quarters, but if there was no escape pod then it'd be difficult to fight back to the bridge.

"Shepard?"

The woman was no longer behind him. Ice flowed through his veins, and Garrus felt a bit nauseous. He retraced his steps and felt dread fill him when he saw Shepard was on the floor, leaning against her cover. His blue eyes followed the trail of blood that ran down the side of her neck.

"Shepard!"

The woman's chest was heaving when she finally lifted her gaze. She smiled weakly. "I'm fine."

"Like hell you are!" Garrus followed the trail of blood to her head. He carefully lifted the helmet so he could analyze the wound. He hoped it wasn't too severe. One thing every guard lacked was medigel. An infirmary was on their floor, but they'd have to backtrack and fight through the incoming reinforcements. There was no wound though; the blood was seeping from her ear.

Her other ear was bleeding as well. He was confused by her injury, was it caused by the noise from earlier? So many more questions filled his head that he failed to notice Shepard climbed to her feet.

"Shepard?"

The woman half walked, half crawled to the pile of carnage and salvaged for more thermal clips. The moment she bent over she fell onto the ground. Garrus was quick to check on her. She was _far_ from fine.

Shepard smiled again. "I think I pushed myself a little too much."

Garrus didn't quite understand her, but he was able to hear footsteps behind them now. He wrapped Shepard's arm around his shoulder and half carried her through the mess hall and into the hall that finally took them to the living quarters. There were no longer any more guards thankfully. But if they had no choice but to go back to the bridge, Garrus looked at the woman in his arms, it would be a lot tougher to engage in any more firefights.

"We'll have to be careful," Shepard muttered weakly. "I'm beyond my limit; using biotics again won't be pretty."

The Turian understood now. No matter how powerful a biotic was, using their abilities too much was dangerous.

Risking a peek over his shoulder, Garrus was able to make out movement in the mess hall. And he could still hear a voice shouting.

"There!"

Garrus followed the direction Shepard pointed and entered the only room in the hall. The large, spacious, and luxurious room had to be the captain's quarters. The Turian placed the exhausted woman on a nearby couch and quickly locked the door. He quickly searched the room for any means to escape. Relief spread over him as he found the beautiful sight of an escape pod.

Shepard's hunch was right, again.

10101

She couldn't hear very well, but she could feel vibrations on the wall. She assumed the guards were at the door. A small smile grew on Shepard's face. This was quite the vacation.

The walls shook more violently and half the door was blown apart. Shepard opened her eyes and found the asari leader stepping into the room, her arms glowing. Their eyes met for a moment and the asari lifted her arm, but her biotic attack was cancelled when Garrus shot her.

The blue alien collapsed to the floor, but she wasn't dead. Shepard forced herself to jump on her feet, the sudden motion rendered her to feel even more lightheaded and dizzy, but Garrus was there to steady her.

More guards poured into the room, but they were immediately occupied by the sight of their leader on the floor. Shepard wrapped her arm around Garrus and allowed him to half carry her to the pod. They were close to safety when she felt something hot pierce her right arm. She cried out and Garrus fell down with her.

She reached for her pistol and blindly fired at the guards that were shooting her, and presumably Garrus as well. She couldn't see if he was injured, but he carefully dragged her into the pod with him.

_This is going to hurt._

Pushing herself further, Shepard lifted a shaky, glowing arm and lifted the closest piece of furniture she could see, a desk, and tossed it to the firing guards. The pain in her head intensified so much she felt like she was going to pass out. She felt something dribble down her nose and into her mouth, which tasted like metal.

Her vision was darkening, but she was able to stay awake long enough to see Garrus reach to shut the door shut. With her hearing deeply muffled, Shepard couldn't hear the object that was tossed into the pod right before the door shut. Instead, she _felt_ the object bounce off her leg.

A grenade lay between her and Garrus.

Garrus swore aloud, the pod had already blasted into space. Shepard did the only thing she could think of. Lifting her good arm, and as best as she could, she created a biotic bubble around the grenade, hoping to trap the explosion within the shell. Then she caught it, her fatal mistake. She created the bubble shield around her arm, not the grenade alone. Searing heat and pain licked her arm and she thought she could hear Garrus' muffled yell.

101010101

A/N: I promise NOT to take another half year to update this story. I blame xbox for distracting me. Good news is, thanks to the summer break and playing games pretty much all day every day I've grown to get a bit bored so now my attention is back on this story.


	9. Overcome

Not Alone

Chapter IX "Overcome"

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to BioWare.

"If only you could see me yesterday

Who I used to be before the change

You'd see a broken heart

You'd see the battle scars

I'm not what I have done

I'm what I've overcome"

-Fireflight "What I've Overcome"

101010101

Garrus wasn't used to so much stress. His job as a C-Sec officer wasn't as physically and emotionally draining as being a Spectre. During his short time as a Spectre he hadn't faced such demanding duties at this magnitude, until now.

There were too many issues Garrus had to see to. He managed to get Trident security to apprehend the kidnappers' ship, though there was still another fire fight and there were plenty of casualties. The Council required an immediate report, but Garrus was able to stall them by claiming to need medical attention.

Despite his duties, Garrus couldn't bring himself to focus on his job. He couldn't stop thinking about Shepard. It was his fault she was hurt during their escape, he was better rested, fed, and equipped for a rescue mission. He should've just gone in, rescued her, and got out. Instead, it was Shepard who rescued _him_, several times over. Now, she was hurt. And there wasn't anything he could do to help.

Mentally cursing, the Turian rubbed his eyes. There was nothing else he could do. He spent the past hour or two pacing, with intervals of sitting or standing. He was stuck waiting for Shepard's surgery to end. Despite his status as a Spectre, not even he could get the medical staff to let him know of Shepard's condition. The fear of something going wrong with her surgery drove him to the brink of madness.

There were other problems as well. He needed to think of an alternate explanation of how he came to board the kidnappers' ship. He couldn't tell the Council about Shepard. Even if he were to tell them about her by her new fake identity there was that chance that the Council might still assign someone to run a thorough background check on her. Garrus paid his contact well to fix Shepard's new bio-ID, which included a full background history, but Garrus just didn't want to put any risk on her being found out.

_Especially since Cerberus has a bounty on her._

That was an even more troubling question that kept running through the Spectre's mind. Why did Cerberus want Shepard? Well, it was obvious the Illusive Man wasn't too happy with Shepard leaving, especially after she refused to keep the human Reaper. But there was also the fact that Shepard received information from the Shadow Broker about the true Illusive Man being assassinated some time before she even met this supposed Cerberus leader.

"Gah!" Garrus scratched at his head. He scratched his head too hard, which caused him to wince. The new pain seemed to have caused a headache. His head felt ready to burst. How did Shepard even deal with this stress when everything went out of control?

Now that he thought about it, she would spend a lot of time in solitude. He would find her in the Normandy's elevator, her back against the wall and her legs crossed under her. Her head leaning back, eyes closed, and earphones in her ears. A slight smile would be spread on her pale face.

"Just listening to the waves of the ocean," Shepard would say before Garrus could say anything.

She always knew it was him standing there even though her eyes were always shut when he approached her. She said the elevator was the best place on the ship to get that feeling of a small wave brushing under her. It was one of her favorite things to do when she lived on Mindoir, lying on a surf board while small waves rolled under her. She said she would do it for hours to unwind from her days. It was her own way of meditating and relaxing.

Now, Garrus understood why she would sit in the elevator so often. She was just trying to relieve herself of so much pent up stress.

_She never fails to amaze me_.

Thinking about her brought another hurt in Garrus' chest. He wanted to at least see her again, but doing so was impossible until the doctors were done.

Hours passed, and Garrus still didn't fare any better. He continued to stare down the same hall that Shepard was taken in. He waited patiently for someone to walk out and report to him of her condition. His omni-tool continued to beep every so often, but he always ignored the calls.

Garrus took a moment to use the facilities, and he stood in front of a sink for a long time. He repeatedly splashed cold water on his face to keep his eyelids up. He also began to stare at the mirror for long moments. He tried so desperately to rid of the pain he felt in his chest. It hurt not to be near Shepard, he realized. Knowing she was injured because of him made the pain worse.

He couldn't bring himself to return to that small waiting room. Going back to it would only bring the madness closer to him. He couldn't take the wait any longer, he planned to march down the hall and find where they were keeping Shepard himself.

He didn't tread for long before someone stopped him. Luckily, to Garrus' great relief, it was a doctor that had been seeking him out.

"How is she?" The words were out of the turian's mouth before he realized his voice could still work.

The doctor, a human, looked Garrus from his feet up to his head. Then he glanced at his clipboard. "You are…a relative of Ms. Halsey?"

Garrus paused for a moment; he _needed_ to know Shepard was all right. But being a different species is obvious he was no relative of hers. So he said the only thing he could, "no, she's my wife." Interspecies relationships and marriages were not uncommon.

The man nodded. "You may rest easy sir, she's fine."

Breathing never felt so good for the Turian. He inhaled deeply and slowly breathed out, willing the stress and worry to flow out.

"Cybernetics were needed to reconstruct her arm, but she'll have full mobility of her arm and hand like nothing ever happened. It may feel sore, but we'll work with her to make sure everything is working properly."

Garrus nodded. His fear and worry was now replaced by eagerness and restlessness. He wanted to see Shepard. "Can I see her?"

The man glanced at Garrus once, twice between looking at his omni-tool. "There is something I would like to mention. There are numerous amounts of scars on your wife's body." The doctor paused; Garrus distinctly noticed his eyes scanning his hands. "Also, the scars on her back—"

Garrus didn't need to hear this now. "My wife served in the Alliance. She's been in _a lot_ of battles and has the scars to show for it."  
The doctor nodded, his hand flipping through some files in his omni-tool. "I understand, yes her military background is in her record. It should be another hour or two until she awakens; you're free to stay with her until she's moved to a room."

10101

The pain in his chest was gone now that he was with Shepard. He lost track of time as he sat near her, watching her sleep. Seeing her resting peacefully allowed him to breathe easy. She deserved to rest, more than anyone. He noticed there a small smile on her face too.

It was that smile.

He had become aware of her variety of smiles. She had a greeting smile, a smile for friends, a smile when she aces every shot in target practice. She even has a distinct smile before engaging in combat. But there was one type of smile she did only when she was with him. Seeing it made his heart beat painfully in his chest, brought heat to his cheeks and made his knees feel weak.

He would travel all over the universe, fight rachni, geth, Krogan, anything just to see her special smile. Her smile for him, and him alone.

Before he was aware of it, Garrus found his hand on her face. He finally became aware of the strong urge to touch her soft skin, despite the fact that he was terrified of harming her attractive features with his talons.

_Listen to yourself. You find a _human_ attractive, a completely different species than a turian. What would sis' and mother say?_

Ever so gently, Garrus trailed one finger alone Shepard's strong jaw, he was still ever so careful not to let his talon touch her, harm her flawless features. He didn't care what his family thought of him. Or any other turian for that matter. He found a human attractive. He found Shepard attractive.

She was strong. A warrior. Not many could go through what she did and still be alive, or sane. But she was still breathing, and very much sane. She was broken, yes, but he had faith she would heal. She was dead once, but she got better. She would get through this too.

His finger traced upward from her jaw to her eyebrow. He lightly caressed the scar that ran from the top of her brow down to her cheekbone. He lightly rubbed the scar that ran from the top of her brow down to her cheekbone. The scar was difficult to see from afar, but up close it was very noticeable.

For months Garrus never noticed it, until that day on Omega. When that gunship tore him to shreds and he laid helpless on the ground, eagerly awaiting death so he could see his crew again. But Shepard was there, she urged him to stay strong, to stay with her. It was then that he noticed that scar.

Despite the extreme difficulty he had to breathe, Garrus still managed to ask her how she received said scar. She had told him she would tell him later, if he held on for her. He did hold on, not because he was strong, but because Shepard was there. She had this aura that always inspired him, to continue fighting.

"Garrus?"

10101

The turian instantly recognized the voice. His blood boiled and he swiftly stood up, his eyes narrow as he glared at the intruder.

Kaidan Alenko stood before him, clad in his Alliance uniform, and looked very uncomfortable.

Garrus spoke in a low and dangerous tone, "what are you doing here, Alenko?" He was upset with himself for not hearing the door open. His thoughts went haywire as he thought of every possibility of how Alenko was able to find him and Shepard.

Alenko tugged at his uniform, the threat he received from Garrus from their last encounter was still fresh in his mind. "I'm here to see her."

"Why?" Garrus spat. He crossed his arms and took a step closer to the human. "How did you find us?"

Alenko looked relieved now that the turians hands were farther away from his weapon. "I knew Shepard would be with you. So I just had to track _you_ down." His gaze drifted to the sleeping woman.

It was Garrus' turn to look relieved; he released the breath he held. "My whereabouts as a Spectre is classified information open only to the Council."

Alenko shrugged. "Shadow Broker."

Somehow, Garrus felt his anger spark. "Well, as you can see she's fine. Now _get out_."

The shorter man frowned. "Like hell she's fine! And I'm not leaving until—"

"What's going on?"

Both men ceased their argument and immediately turned to face the now awoken Shepard. She slowly sat up, her left hand rubbing at her eyes. She looked as if she was awakening from a nap, rather than from surgery.

10101

"Shepard." Both men found themselves saying at the same time.

The woman blinked away the fogged vision and immediately became speechless when she saw Alenko. In fact, she was confused about her surroundings. Last she remembered was she and Garrus escaped via an escape pod, and that grenade that was thrown in.

It didn't take long to figure out she was in the hospital. Her right hand was encased in bandages, it felt sore and hurt to move her wrist or fingers. It didn't feel broken though. Her body felt sore as well, but perfectly able to still obey her commands.

Her cyan eyes quickly overlooked Garrus, he looked unharmed. But she couldn't figure out why Kaiden was there.

"What's going on?" She asked again.

Kaidan cleared his throat. "I came to talk to you, Jane."

Garrus noted the way she cringed when he called her name. His eyes widened to their natural width and he looked at the male human with a close equivalent to a smug that a turian physiology allowed.

"Alone." Kaidan added, his gaze shifting to the turian next to him.

Garrus stood straighter, his taller frame towering over the shorter male even more. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Garrus." Shepard whispered. Her voice wasn't as strong as she hoped, but his eye contact with hers told her he heard. "Please, just a few minutes." She hated to kick Garrus out of the room, but she wanted to know why Kaidan was there, of all people.

The turian glared at Kaidan again, his mandibles consistently twitched, but he reluctantly left the room.

"You better have a good reason for being here."

Her dangerous tone of voice made Kaidan wince, but he quickly recovered. "Jane."

She didn't reply. Rather, she noticed a bottle of water next to her bed and reached for it. Maybe some water would help her voice recover.

Kaidan grabbed a chair and pulled it closer to the bed. His gaze stayed on her wrapped hand for a moment before he finally looked into her colored eyes. "I'm sorry."

Shepard frowned.

"I'm sorry, for not staying with you." His eyes unconsciously strayed downward. "I went to the…Shadow Broker. I read the Lazarus Project reports. I read…what happened to our—"

Her, or rather _their_, loss was a painful memory, one that Shepard didn't want to think about at the moment. Not with Kaidan here. Not ever.

She forced her voice to remain steady, "so what? You came to say you now understand I had no choice? That you were angry at me for not contacting you for two years? Two years that I spent on a table being slowly put back together piece by piece?" Anger was, thankfully, the stronger emotion that kept her voice from cracking.

Kaidan squirmed in his seat. "It was wrong of me to be angry with you. It was just…just when I had moved on, you came back."

Shepard kept quiet. There had been so many things she wanted to tell Kaidan, but now that he was there she found herself at a complete loss of words. And it was difficult to keep the numerous different emotions within her in check.

"I was afraid that if we…what if something happened to you again, Jane? I can't—I'm not strong enough to lose you again."

Shepard didn't want to hear this again. "You've _told_ me this before, Kaidan. What's the real reason why you're here?"

Sorrow etched across the biotics face. "I came to apologize. I'm sorry for not being by your side, for not being loyal. I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for being weak. I'm sorry for leaving you alone." Kaidan put both his hands on Shepards injured one, one hand under and the other on top. "I love you, Jane. My place is to stay by your side."

10101

Garrus had waited patiently long enough. He crossed from the cafeteria to Shepard's room, a small meal for her in his hands.

_I swear if he's said anything to hurt her again I'm going to kill him!_

He expected to walk in on them either arguing, or with Alenko sporting a broken nose. Instead, he walked in on Alenko and Shepard kissing.

There was a time, once, when Garrus was small. His father had him start training to be a Spectre as soon as he was old enough to begin his basic education as child. Strapped with a protective vest and shield, Garrus' father would shoot him in the chest. His father argued that he was training him to get used to pain, as a Spectre he would have to be used to it and embrace it. The weapon shots never lethally hurt him, he never received even a bruise. But each shot would throw him back onto the floor and he would lay there unable to breathe. If he did breathe, it would hurt like nothing he's ever felt before.

Garrus felt himself feeling that sensation again. It hurt to see them kissing. There was a twang of anger, but it was drowned out by sorrow.

_She could never see you the same way you look at her._

Strangely, his eyes began to fog. He left the food by the bed-table that stood near the door. He debated on interrupting them, but ultimately decided against it. Instead, he quietly exited and walked away, his head held down as he fought against the tears that stubbornly escaped.

101010101


	10. Virtue and Vice

Not Alone

Chapter X "Virtue and Vice"

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to BioWare.

Whatever the prophecy

Let it be, let it be

We'll live all there is to live

Be it pleasure, be it sorrow

Whatever prosperity

Lies in me, lies in me

I'll be all that I can be

My forever starts tomorrow

-Delain "Virtue and Vice"

101010101

It shouldn't have bothered him.

Watching Shepard and Kaidan together shouldn't have bothered him. Yet it did. He couldn't figure out why. Was it because he was in love with Shepard?

Instantly, Garrus could hear his father's voice in his head laughing at him. How could he love a _human_?

Garrus pushed that voice out of his head. It didn't bother him that Shepard was a human. She was stronger than any Turian he knew, even his own father.

His father failed to get him to see the importance of rules and protecting innocents. Shepard was the one who helped shape him into a better soldier, a better person.

Yet, the memory of Kaidan kissing Shepard still brought pain to his chest. It felt like he was losing her all over again, the same way he lost her two years ago. Garrus' eyes grew foggy again.

"Sir?"

Hastily, the turian Spectre rubbed his eyes before bringing his attention to the turian behind him. "What is it," Garrus asked.

The Turian, a member of Garrus' crew, handed the Spectre a data pad. "I finished decrypting the kidnappers' database and submitted it to the Council. Here's a copy."

Garrus felt his veins turn to ice. He couldn't help but glare at his crew memer. "What do you mean you forwarded it to the Council? I do that myself!" He didn't mean to scold the Turian in front of him, but he wanted to look over the information first to see if Shepard's name was on it. Even with her fake ID he didn't want to risk the Council wanting to question her.

"I—I'm sorry, sir. I assumed you wanted me to decrypt it because you wanted _me_ to submit it. Normally you just submit information to the Council and let them decrypt it."

Garrus felt his whole body warm up with the heat of anger. What his crew member said was true, however. He quickly took a deep breath to calm himself.

"You're right. I just wanted to see the information first, just in case they recently sold off anyone and if we were in a position to retrieve them."

The Turian nodded and left when Garrus dismissed him.

Once he found her name his heart threatened to jump up to his neck. Not only was Shepard's fake name listed, but her _real_ one was right next to it. Worse, they were going to ransom her to Cerberus, and they were on their way to make the transaction. Shepard wasn't safe here anymore.

10101

_This isn't right._

Shepard tried to pull away from her kiss with Kaidan, but her back was flat against her bed. Instead, she placed her good hand on his chest and softly pushed him away. He looked at her with a confused and hurt expression.

"What's wrong," he asked.

Shepard's eyes unconsciously turned to the door, she expected Garrus to be standing nearby. His lack of presence made her feel uneasy. Something didn't feel right. Was it because of Kaidan?

She looked at him for a long moment, her gaze studying his strong facial structure, his intelligent eyes, down to his full lips. She had spent months missing those lips, wishing she could feel them upon her own, craving to feel them on her body again.

But something within her changed.

She didn't know the cause, but feeling his lips on her own just now didn't feel right anymore. She felt as if there was something lacking, something empty. Kissing Kaidan was like kissing a shadow. A distant memory.

"Jane," Kaidan whispered. He leaned forward and kissed her again, but he slowly pulled away when he felt she didn't kiss him back.

Still, Shepard didn't respond. What could she say? She no longer loved him?

Then she realized it. She spent months missing him. Now it felt like she spent those months grieving both him and her, she mourned them together as lovers. She also realized what he said was true. He wasn't there for her when she needed him most. When she had no allies, no friends, no one but an enemy to support her in her fight against the Reapers.

Instead, Garrus was always there.

It finally hit her. Everything she went through, Garrus was always standing next to her. He was always there to help, or to pick her up and clean her messes. He never complained, he never got angry. She can only remember seeing disappointment in his eyes when she had fallen so many times recently.

Thinking of him gave her the sudden urge to look to her side, but sadly Garrus was nowhere in sight. But her eyes quickly took note of one small change in the room; there was food on the table next to the door.

A small smile grew on her face; she knew Garrus had to have left the food there. But, the smile quickly faded, he probably walked in on her and Kaidan when they were kissing.

"Jane."

Jarred from her thoughts, Shepard looked to Kaidan. He looked worried.

The door suddenly opening stole Shepard's attention, she turned and watched as Garrus walked briskly to her, a bag in his hands.

Despite Turians unable to express emotions as a human, Shepard was still able to see the tense in his eyes and his stiff walk to know that something was wrong. The bag he carried contained her clothes.

"Shepard, we need to leave. Now," Garrus told her.

"Wha—hang on a minute," said Kaidan. He stood up but was quickly pulled away by Garrus.

Shepard took her clothes back without any comment, she knew to follow Garrus' word. He grabbed Kaidan and forced him to stand next to him so they both were facing the wall and their backs to her. A small smile grew in the corner of her mouth, Garrus was always a gentleman. Or was it a Turian thing? Regardless, she shoved such thoughts aside and tried to get into her clothes as quickly as possible. Her body felt stiff and sore.

"Now's not the time to ask, Alenko. Trust me that I have to get Shepard out of here," Garrus told the shorter male.

Kaidan shook his head. "What's going on that you have to force Shepard out of bed? She's still recovering."

Shepard got her shoes in before Garrus could respond. She touched his arm, "I'm ready."

Garrus quickly analyzed her, as if looking to see if she might fall over. "I got the okay to get you dismissed from the hospital. But we need to leave immediately."

Shepard nodded and followed him out of the room, her eyes unconsciously drifted on the food placed beside the door. She couldn't remember the last time she ate, but she couldn't control her hands when they reached for the small meal.

Having Garrus and Kaidan at either side of her felt all too familiar, and for a moment she forgot that Kaidan shouldn't be following her and Garrus at all. It wasn't until she and Garrus were ready to board his ship when the Turian placed his hand between the ships entrance and Kaidan.

"You can't follow us," Garrus said bluntly.

"Like hell I can't!"

Shepard placed her hand on Garrus' arm again; she could immediately feel the tension ease at her touch. Kaidan noticed her touch, but she found herself not caring if he was jealous.

"Kaidan, did you come in your own ship," she asked.

"No, I came alone on a public transport. I'm on leave."

The woman nodded. "Then if we really do need to leave now then I say we can just give him a ride."

Garrus remained silent for a long moment. Shepard could tell he didn't like the idea judging by his outer mandibles twitching.

"Fine," Garrus muttered dangerously.

10101

For whatever reason they had to leave so urgently, Shepard didn't know. She tried to ask Garrus, but he refused to speak with Kaidan so close, and he didn't seem to trust the guy alone while he spoke to her privately.

The meal helped immensely. Not too long ago she was in surgery, and she found out from Garrus that cybernetics had to be used to reconstruct her arm. She spent most of her time flexing her arm about while Garrus seemed to avoid her, but he still stayed close enough to keep an eye on Kaidan.

Finally, Kaidan pulled her into what looked to be a conference room.

"Jane," he said. His face spoke volumes, he was tired of Shepard avoiding him throughout their lengthy journey to, and well Garrus never did say where they were heading.

Sighing, Shepard took advantage of one of the nearby seats. She motioned for Kaidan to sit across from her. However, he shook his head and simply crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'll stand," he said sternly.

The woman nodded. What could she tell Kaidan? That she no longer loves him? Should she mention Garrus at all? No, that would cause more tension between them. He was better off not knowing.

"Jane," Kaidan whispered.

Shepard was surprised to see Kaidan so close to her when she looked up. She didn't hear him walk towards her at all. But she instantly noticed a different emotion in his eyes. He no longer appeared angry or annoyed, he simply looked…remorseful.

He placed a hand on her arm. "I get it, you're mad at me," he told her. He leaned closer to her, almost kissed her. "Just know that I do love you."

This time he did kiss her, gently to the point where it almost didn't even feel like a kiss. He seemed to have waited for a response from her before continuing on.

_Damn it, Kaidan!_

No, it was too quick for Shepard to be feeling like this again. She mourned their love months ago! She shouldn't be craving his lips on hers again. Her mind grew foggy from lust, longing, and partially from confusion.

She was confused about her feelings. Just hours ago she didn't feel anything from his kisses. Now she was getting a response. Was it because hours ago his kiss was sudden and she was still shocked from everything? She just woke up from a stressful situation, she was still recovering mentally and physically. Now, she had a lot of time to think. Did she still love Kaidan? Or does she love Garrus? Or was she confusing her love with Garrus for something else?

Her mind hurt from so many thoughts. She just wanted to push them away and distract herself. The soft kiss from Kaidan put her into a blind frenzy. She had to feel his lips again. Maybe she just needed one more moment with him, to see if she would feel anything afterward.

She felt Kaidan back away. Her eyes opened, she grabbed his shirt and pulled his face to hers and met his lips with hers. Her own kiss wasn't soft like his, it was rough and hungry.

She stood and kissed him deeper, her arms circled around his neck. Feeling his tongue enter her mouth clouded her mind even more. She felt his hands on her shoulders, down to her arms, and then to her waist. A soft moan escaped her when he pushed himself onto her.

For months she missed his touch, his kisses. She missed him so much. Now she was remembering why she would sleep with anyone at Omega. She tried to find someone who had the same touch and kisses as he. She tried to replace him.

A cold draft on her naked torso tore her thoughts to the present. She couldn't remember when she took off her shirt, or if Kaidan did so, but she didn't care. Her mind quickly became cloudy with lust when she felt Kaidan's warm tongue on her skin.

"Kaidan," she gasped.

She was so lost in him that she nearly screamed when she heard a heavy banging on the door.

All lust cold and forgotten, Shepard swiftly reached for her clothes.

Garrus waited on the other side of the door.

Shepard suddenly felt so guilty she fought desperately to keep her meal down. Why did she feel guilty?

Never mind her confused feelings; she quickly noted the glares Garrus and Kaidan exchanged. She didn't know if they were about to punch each other or, worse, shoot each other. She stepped in, ready to intervene. But instead, Garrus stepped aside.

"We've arrived at Bekenstein. We're in Council space, so you'll be safe here, Shepard." He avoided her gaze, he just led her and Kaidan to the ships exit.

"The Council is grounding me here for an emergency," he looked to the shorter male. "I trust you'll keep Shepard safe. She'll let you know where our place is should she ever need to go back."

"Garrus—"

The Turian motioned Kaidan closer to him, he spoke softly so only he could hear. "I'm letting you two get some time together because it's what she needs." Garrus had to take a moment to compose himself. Never had he wanted to punch Kaidan so badly. "She's safe here; don't go anywhere else outside of Council space. I need to talk with a contact here to make sure the people that were after her don't find her again."

Kaidan frowned. "Who's after her?"

Garrus shook his head. "It's better you don't know. It isn't a big deal, I'll take care of everything. Just keep her safe. If you don't, I _will_ find you."

The Alliance soldier nodded. Perhaps it was better that he didn't know what Garrus wasn't telling him. He motioned Shepard to follow him.

"Garrus," Shepard said sternly. "What is going on?"

He finally looked at her. Reading the emotion in his eyes made her heart feel heavy and painful. "Just go with him, it's what you need. And want. You know where I am and how to contact me if you need help."

He didn't let her talk. He turned and left.

10101

Never had he wanted to kill someone so badly.

He was close to killing several people during his trip back to the Citadel. He gave his report to the Council, and was close to strangling all of them when they insisted he take some time off for a job well done.

He didn't need a vacation. It was the last thing he needed. He needed to be busy, catching criminals. Then he would have an excuse to kill someone and not be penalized for it.

Anything and everything was either going wrong for him or just pissed him off. He barely made it to their apartment when…no it was _his_ apartment. Shepard won't want to come back. At least not to live with him. If she did come back it was so she could take her things. Or maybe she won't even have to go. Kaidan would get her anything she needed or wanted.

Thinking about that man boiled his veins. Of all people he would want to kill it would be _him_. No, if he did that then Shepard would never forgive him. She would break again. He never wanted that to happen again.

Without meaning to, images of Kaidan and Shepard together, and what they were so close to doing in _his_ ship finally made him snap. The first thing Garrus grabbed was quickly hurled into a wall.

10101

Shepard jolted awake, for a moment she didn't know where she was or that she was asleep and dreamt. She felt steel against her arm and tried to jump away from it.

"Whoa, Jane!"

Hitting something soft, Shepard grunted in surprise and summoned a biotic to her hand.

"Jane!"

Arms grabbed her shoulders, friendly hands, and not cold, robotic arms. She was sweating and breathing hard, her lungs hurt with every deep breath she took.

"Jane?"

She took a moment to calm her nerves. Slowly, she realized she was dreaming. She wasn't on Earth, evading Reapers and watching so many people die. She couldn't shake off the sight of watching that child die.

"Where am I," she asked. She looked around her but didn't recognize anything.

It was Kaidan who had his hands on her shoulders. His eyebrows were raised in shock. "It's okay. We got a room for the night. You fell asleep on the ride here."

Shepard sat up from the bed and paced. Her throat was dry. She found a mini fridge and was grateful there was water in it. Kaidan didn't press her for more information, thankfully. He waited as she took long gulps.

Her thirst gone, Shepard tried to recollect everything that happened. She was still confused on what was dream and what wasn't. Then she remembered Garrus.

Guilt and pain hit her again. Then she remembered everything she thought about since Garrus' departure. Without lust clouding her judgment, she was able to think clearly. She looked at Kaidan, he was still watching her and waiting patiently.

Still silent, Shepard went to him and kissed him. He didn't respond at first, probably from surprise, but the moment passed and he eagerly returned the kiss.

Garrus came to her mind again and the guilt intensified.

_I can't do this._

Shepard pulled back from the kiss, perhaps a bit too roughly. She just stared at Kaidan for a long time and ignored his questions. Did she love Kaidan or Garrus?

_You wouldn't feel guilt if you truly love him._

The guilt quickly faded, but the pain remained. She turned her gaze back to Kaidan and slowly shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan. I can't."

He frowned. "You can't what?"

He moved to touch her, but Shepard quickly moved away. She couldn't let him touch her least she fall back into lusts temptation.

"You moved on."

It was more of a statement than a question. Kaidan's frown remained on his face.

"I…did," he replied.

"Then why did you come back?"

The male biotic sighed. "I love you, Shepard. I had to come back."

Shepard shook her head. "I'm sorry, Kaidan. I…moved on too."

Kaidan jumped to his feet. "You moved on? Then what was that back there?"

She shook her head again. "I was…somewhere deep down I missed you for so long I just wanted to be with you one last time." She forced her eyes to look into his. "But that would've been a mistake. I would've…it was good we didn't get that far."

Kaidan's shoulders slumped, and for a moment he looked angry. "You can't make me lose you again, Jane."

"I'm sorry, Kaidan." She lost control of her body. She searched for her shoes and began putting them on. She had no other belongings luckily. She didn't have money either, but Garrus gave her access to his bank account, she was sure she would find a branch somewhere.

The male biotic surprisingly didn't try to stop her.

"Like you said, you weren't there when I needed you. Someone else was. And I've fallen in love with him," she paused before she shut the door behind her. She turned one final time to Kaidan. "You'll grow to forget about me and move on again."

10101

The last thing Shepard expected to see in their apartment was nearly everything broken or sprawled on the floor. Even the television was broken. Fearing the worst, Shepard ran to the other rooms to search for any sign of Garrus. She was terrified to see any blood.

"Garrus?"

She found him in his room, sitting on his bed. Like the other rooms, everything was on the floor and broken. Seeing that he wasn't hurt relieved a lot of weight from her shoulders. But the pain she could clearly see in his eyes nearly brought her to tears. The last time she saw such pain was back on Mindoir.

"What happened?"

"Why did you come back," he replied. He kept his eyes downward.

Shepard stepped up to him. He refused to look at her so she knelt down and placed her hands on his legs. He tensed at her touch. Still, he kept his eyes glued to the ground.

"Garrus," she began softly, "I almost made a mistake."

He seemed to tense even more and moved to stand up, most likely to leave.

Shepard kept a firm grip on his legs.

"I came back for you."

That sparked some life in him. He looked at her finally.

"What?"  
Shepeard offered him a smile which immediately awoken something else in him. She reached for his hand.

"It took me some time to realize it, when Kaidan came back I was…confused for a moment. Deep down I just wanted one more moment with him, kind of to make peace with those feelings before giving them up. But I was also confused about you."

Garrus' eyes narrowed and his outer mandibles continuously moved. Yet he remained silent.

"I've been messed up for so long that I was afraid to lose the one good thing I thought I had. When I lost that as well I just…ignored a lot of stuff around me. I was too blind to see you." With that, Shepard leaned forward and kissed his injured mandible.

The pain was gone from his blue eyes.

Finally, he spoke, "Shepard."

10101

She watched him, but he had nothing to say. He wasn't good at admitting his feelings.

"How did you know? I mean, how long have you known about how I…well…"

Shepard showed her special smile. "Honestly, I had no idea of your feelings until I stepped into this trash of an apartment and found you sitting in here. Then I put everything together."

Garrus nodded. He would expect Shepard to figure out something so complicated so quickly. She felt the same about him that he felt for her. It took long moments to finally accept that he wasn't dreaming. He felt a sudden burst of energy that he didn't know what to do with it. Should he do something? Touch her hair? Or her face? It was one thing to relieve stress with a woman, it was a completely different story when he actually loved the woman. And she loved him back.

She loved him back.

His hands were moving on their own as if by instinct. He cupped her face. She smiled again as she placed her hand over his. He wanted to do the same thing she did to him earlier, kiss her back. But Turians couldn't do that. That thought nearly extinguished his drive, but it was quickly forgotten when he felt Shepard's forehead on his own.

This was the only thing Turians could do. But Shepard didn't seem to mind. She moved her lips over to his mouth and kissed him.

All doubt was erased from his mind. With even more energy from before, Garrus stood and lifted Shepard. She wrapped her legs around his waist and draped her arms over his neck, their heads still touching. There was still one thing Turians had over lips. He was going to make sure Shepard wouldn't forget.

10101

Garrus awoke to the sound of a thermal clip slipping into its slot. Assuming the worst, Garrus jumped to his feet. He didn't have a weapon, but he didn't need one with what he was feeling now. Now that he was finally happy, he wasn't letting anyone taint that.

"Did I wake you?"

Breathing easier, Garrus realized it was just Shepard. But, she was in her N7 armor, and she had a pistol in her grip.

"Jane? What's going on?"

Shepard smiled. Since last night she loved hearing him call her by her first name. Then her smile faded and she activated her omni tool. "I got a message from Admiral Hackett. He needs me for a mission."

Garrus wasted no time in fetching his own armor and weapons, but he stopped when he felt Shepard's arms around his waist. Confused, he turned to her. "What's wrong? I'm going with you."

Shepard kissed his right mandible. "I'm afraid I will have to go alone for this one."

Something wasn't right. Actually, there were too many things that weren't right. "How did he even contact you? You can't go alone."

"He contacted me a while ago. I just hadn't checked my messages for a very long time. Until recently that is."

Garrus shook his head. "What's suddenly gotten you into…into…"

Shepard shrugged. "I'm tired of running. It's dawned on me that If I don't do something about the Reapers, something very bad is going to happen. I can't let that happen."

"What does that have to do with going on a mission alone for Admiral Hackett? The Alliance turned their back on you."

"Admiral Hackett has a lot of favors he owes me. It just turns out that this final favor might be enough to get him and an Alliance fleet to be at my back should I need it against some very old, powerful machines."

He understood. And with her mind set it would be impossible to convince Shepard not to go. "You have to leave now?"

"Yes. The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can come back."

Garrus grabbed her in a tight hug. He wasn't ready to let her go. He wasn't ready for something bad to happen to her. But he couldn't do anything. He didn't know how long they stood like this, their arms around each other. Finally, she was the one who pulled away but not before kissing his right side of his face again.

"Be careful, Jane."

She gave him his smile again. "I will."

"And if you need help, know I'll be there."

She walked away, but was still facing him, only their hands entangled.

10101

_You've always been there for me, Garrus. I know you'll never change that._

It hurt to leave him so quickly. But she lost too much time when she lost her way. Thanks to Garrus she wasn't broken anymore. He helped her to her feet. She was better now. And she had a better reason to fight other than for survival. She was going to fight the Reapers for a tomorrow. Now that her forever started tomorrow. With Garrus.

With a heavy heart, she left.

101010101

End

101010101

A/N: Okay, so I wrote this chapter while waiting in line for Mass Effect 3, so please forgive any mistakes. I will try to return and fix them. Thank you everyone who read and enjoyed this story, most of my gratitude goes out to everyone who took the time to submit feedback to me. You guys are the reason why I kept going with this story. I'm still sorry for taking so long to post new chapters. Now, go out there and mother fucking role play in Mass Effect 3 and kill the Reapers for Garrus and Shepard to have their tomorrow! =D


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